The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It Paperback – August 15, 2007

This book was suggested to me by a therapist, and it is a book that every person needs to read. I cannot wait to move through it. It is not a good that you may rush through. There is so much there to process take it slow highly highly recommend anyone that has toxic relationship

No counselor should be without this tool in their toolbox!! Neither should someone experiencing destructive/toxic relationships proceed through life without the clear defintions, guidance, and life-giving counsel this book offers!Leslie Vernick is a leading authority and personally-experienced voice for SEEING, STOPPING & SURVIVING downright ABUSIVE relationships! Her careful handling of the Scripture is most appreciated and was key for me, personally, to know that ending an abusive marriage would still qualify as "pleasing the Lord". The fact that she places so much value in every person as an image-bearer of God Himself offers excellent guidance as to where the priority of certain institutions (such as marriage, or honoring parents, etc.) can fall--particularly if people are seeking help through counseling! DO NOT BE MISLED--if there is one message that comes through LOUD & CLEAR, it's that ABUSE IS NOT A MARRIAGE PROBLEM, it is a PERSONAL SIN PROBLEM for the offending party, and THAT person is the one who needs individual counseling, appropriate boundaries put on the relationship, and defined consequences for breaking those boundaries in order to preserve the precious life God has given to the victim! LET'S STOP VICTIMIZING THE VICTIM again and again--which happens all too often in a counseling environment.Many folks in a counseling role, be it professional or friend, find themselves not only at a loss to help from a well-intentioned heart, but in a place that only adds to the harm already done, sadly!! THIS BOOK CAN PUT AN END TO COUNSELING HARM!! Dr. Vernick will give you the appropriate mindset and even questions to ask and counsel to offer, as well as a clearly-delineated path to healing. Much support can continue to be found by the many seminars, Facebook videos, and articles offered on www.leslievernick.com, but starting with THIS FOUNDATIONAL MATERIAL IS CRITICAL to saving lives, literally!!! There is even an appendix filled with helpful cautions for those who are placed in a helping role to someone experiencing an emotionally-destructive relationship. EVERY PASTOR & COUNSELOR should be reading this, since it is only a short time before you encounter someone struggling with this issue, if you aren't already!Please do not turn a blind eye to those women and men who feel trapped, endangered, and hopeless to ever break free! And, if you are someone who qualifies for such a description, READ THIS BOOK--it will literally SAVE YOUR LIFE, as it did mine!

The Lord changed my life through this book. Leslie Vernick pointed me to a deeper relationship with Jesus and to emotionally healthy choices every step of the way. I was able to gain perspective on the reality of the emotional abuse I'd been living through for so long. Realizing the truth of my situation and reaching out for help brought me to a place of being able to make bold decisions that ultimately led to redemption between me and my husband and our family. Now I always recommend this book when I encounter others who are dealing with abusive relationships.One reviewer felt like Vernick made him/her feel like he/she was the one with the issues. My experience was that I appreciated the opportunity to look inward for any places I was responding in unhealthy ways that were even contributing to escalating situations. And in one instance I was challenged to face the fears in my life. I never knew I had so, so many. I never knew fear was keeping me in such bondage everywhere, every day, in every relationship and situation. I truly believe that her encouragement to look at myself was a doorway to clearing away unhealthy responses and multitudes of fears so that the Lord could begin a deeper work of healing in my heart and mind BEFORE my husband EVER made a single effort to change. It was a powerful moment in my life when confidence and love replaced the fear.I can't say this book is a stand alone fix all, but it is filled with wisdom, empowerment to take healthy steps and make healthy choices without feeling guilty, encouragement to set boundaries for healthy relationships, and clarity about the reality of toxic relationships and why it's worth fighting for change because you are worth it. It also shows you how to invite the Lord into the whole process.As a side note my husband and I went to a counselor eventually. When nothing progressed and I was "done" our counselor gave this book to my husband to read. He did so and was cut to the core when he realized what he'd been doing to me. He came to me sincerely remorseful and asked my forgiveness. Though we still had a long road ahead it was a pivotal point when our marriage and family were rescued.

Excellent book to understand emotional abuse. The scripture references are very helpful to identify emotionally abusive patterns, and how to resist them.

This book has many practical tips in it. I think it helps to see relationships, especially close ones, in a more realistic light in many ways. I have some warnings however. We can get so caught up in how we feel that we get away from Scripture, although Scripture is mentioned in various places throughout the book. It is essential that we keep Scripture as our main source of knowledge and not see anyone's viewpoint even though backed up by experience and case studies as an alternative way of looking at situations. We have to be careful too that we don't ruin relationships by being too forthright in the expression of our feelings and beliefs about the relationship. I think the book could have had a better title which wouldn't make a relationship look so negative but I realize that Ms. Vernick wants to sell books and this title attracts readers. The title is not biblical.