Eight Dates

I really enjoyed this book. For every book, no matter how great, there's always critics or things that don't appeal to some. I'm glad I didn't let those opinions stop me from purchasing this. Even prior to beginning a new relationship recently (my first one in several years after taking time for introspection and personal growth), I've been heavily interested in psychology, esp on relationships/sex. I've read many books on the subject, including at least one other by John Gottman, and still found this book well worth the read. It covers what I believe really are the key conversations that can make or break a healthy, happy, satisfying relationship, and provides a great variety of examples and scientific research for each area of focus. There's short exercises that help individuals get thinking about the topics at a deeper personal level prior to each date which helps make the dates themselves more productive and connective. There's also great instructions and tips, not just on how to keep each conversation positive, healthy, and even fun, but also how to communicate effectively in general. Many are simple things that I'm sure we've all heard at some point—active listening by making eye contact, rephrasing back, and asking questions; keeping an open, non-judging mindset; being kind and understanding to each other; etc—but are summarized together very succinctly and efficiently. The dates themselves (i.e. the topics of focus) are, imo, very thoughtfully laid out as far as order and build well. For example, date 1 begins with Trust & Commitment, a foundation that is necessary in order to make the following dates that cover more sensitive subjects (such as money/work and sex) successful. Additional highly important key points to happy relationships are emphasized throughout the book, such as cherishing each other, showing kindness, and focusing on positive, which align perfectly with my own experience and other research, yet are often overlooked or greatly undervalued by most couples. I appreciated this. I also appreciated that it was stated (and backed with examples/research) that aside from a few specific aspects (such as wanting children or not), differences in couples, such as interests and certain beliefs, does not corelate with level of happiness and satisfaction, and WHY, as well as tips on HOW to connect in these situations. This has been a fear of mine in my own relatively new relationship that is otherwise the happiest, healthiest one I've ever been in and truly see being a lifelong partnership; so I felt so grateful to read this. I loved that the authors also included small actions that can be immediately implimented. Kissing each other goodbye, finding small ways to show appreciation, committing to a dedicated time to be with each other each week, etc. Again, this is likely not new info for anyone who's read other relationship books but I still found it very well said and still found new takeaways in each chapter. I could go on. Highly recommend this book. Whether you're single, newly relationed, or have been together for years, I think everyone could gain something from this book.

Date 2: Agree to Disagree The process of repair: 1. Feelings: Each person takes a turn to talk about what they were feeling during the fight: 2. Validate: Each person should talk about how they saw the situation and their perspective about what actually happened in the argument. 3. Triggers. In some regrettable incidents (not all) there are reasons that the conflict has escalated. We call these "triggers." They are old, enduring vulnerabilities that occurred before this relationship began and have left emotional scars that can get activated. When you feel triggered, search your memory for a point in your history or childhood when you had a similar set of feelings. Triggers never go away, they endure. 4. Accept responsibility 5. Discuss how you both might do things differently next time. Contents (Summary) * The Conversations That Matter * Your Date Night * The Four Skills of Intimate Conversation * The Art of Listening * Date 1: Lean on Me: Trust and Commitment * Date 2: Addressing Conflict * Date 3: Let’s Get in On: Sex & Intimacy * Date 4: The Cost of Love: Work & Money * Date 5: Room to Grow: Family * Date 6: Play with Me: Fun & Adventure * Date 7: Something to Believe in: Growth & Spirituality * Date 8: A Lifetime of Love: Dreams * Conclusion: Cherish Each Other * Appendix: More Open-Ended Questions * Bonus Date Night Exercises * Acknowledgments * Endnotes

A practical, thought provoking book that has started to improve the quality of my relationship with my partner for the rest of my life. I realize what a gift it is to be engaged in a relationship that means a lot me.

My now-husband and I read "Eight Dates" as part of our pre-marital counseling, and we loved it! From sex to finances, family and fun, this interactive book covers it all. We did most of our dates at home (we had COVID during part of the time and were saving for a wedding, lol) so it was nice that they recommended settings for every budget. Each of the dates focuses on a different aspect of your relationship. My husband and I had talked about most of things already, but we were encouraged to delve much deeper into the topics than we ever had before. Especially useful was the encouragement to explore the reasons for/causes of our attitudes—and triggers—about certain topics, many of which were rooted in childhood experiences, or trauma. For instance, on our first Christmas together, I got really upset when he cleaned/tidied up the "mess" immediately after we finished opening gifts; turns out that, growing up, my family left everything out to play with/admire, right up until we went back to school, which meant Christmas was over. I've also moved around a lot and experienced bouts of homelessness, so often, if I couldn't see something or get to it right away, it meant I had lost it and would never have it again—so putting things away tended to upset me. Understanding the roots of our different attitudes has lead us not only to grow closer, but to be more compassionate towards each other, instead of getting annoyed when the other is acting "irrational." I highly recommend this book, not only to new couples, but to people who've been together for years, even if you're not experiencing problems. You both have to put the effort in to get the benefits, but I promise you, it's worth it.

Lots of useful info and ideas…things I never thought about before. It should be required reading for couples before marriage!

I liked this book because it has practical advices, it also shows some examples of how to overcome difficulties. And it teaches how to understand and appreciate your partner.

Excellent book, I bought it for a pair of 40-something friends who need some serious direction with their relationship.

Eight Dates is a refreshingly grounded relationship book that focuses not on fixing your partner or avoiding conflict, but on learning how to talk — & listen — with curiosity, respect, & care. Drawing on over 40 years of research from the Gottman Love Lab, John & Julie Gottman guide couples through eight essential conversations that every long-term relationship must face: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, fun, spirituality, & dreams. Each “date” is thoughtfully structured, easy to follow, and grounded in real-life examples that make the science feel human rather than clinical. What sets this book apart is its emphasis on friendship, repair, and emotional safety. The Gottmans don’t promise a conflict-free relationship; instead, they show how couples can recover from misunderstandings, grow through differences, and deepen intimacy over time. Warm, practical, & quietly hopeful, Eight Dates is ideal for couples at any stage — whether you’re building a foundation, navigating the pressures of family life, or reconnecting after years together. It’s not about perfection. It’s about practice. And that's what makes all the difference.

Helpful for any relationship whether you’ve been together 10yrs or 10weeks

This book will help you establish a solid foundation for your relationship.

This is my first time reading a relationship advice book. I love how much this book is centered around not just learning but doing. Each chapter has a planned date with discussion questions to challenge you and your partner to learn from everything you've read in that chapter. Really insightful read on communication, trust, and intimacy. Would highly recommend for people in a long term relationship or new relationships wanting to take their relationship to the next level or deepen there connection. There comes a moment you know everything about one another, try keeping the conversation going. That’s the hard part. Book gave me a few tips that I can keep re-using.