A Matter of Inches: How I Survived in the Crease and Beyond

It's odd to see yourself referenced in a book of any type, even if it's anonymously. I pop up in that manner in Clint Malarchuk's book, "A Matter of Inches." That demands an explanation.I was working in the Buffalo Sabres public relations department when Malarchuk had his throat slashed during a 1989 game in Memorial Auditorium. It was as terrible a moment as you'd expect. I even took a frantic call in the press box from Malarchuk's brother, who had been watching on TV a couple of thousand miles away.Two days later, the Sabres were again home for a game, and Malarchuk - who had gone through surgery and was released from the hospital - stopped by the Aud to pick up a few things. I suggested that it would be nice during a break to have him wave to the crowd during a break in the action, since the fans were part of that traumatic experience. My boss convinced Malarchuk to do so, although it wasn't easy.I was one of the public address announcers at games, so I turned on the microphone and (as is mentioned in the book) said, "It's been a tough couple of days in the Sabre organization, but we thought you'd like to see someone. So at the Zamboni entrance, please welcome back Clint Malarchuk." The standing ovation, which included everyone on the ice from both teams, lasted three or four minutes. The doors were eventually opened so that Malarchuk could walk out on the ice and allow everyone to get a better look. It was an emotional moment.Malarchuk's name has come up in the sports media in various ways over the years, sometimes associated with the accident. Now we can read his entire story in his book, which is a very unusual one by sports publication standards - mental illness is rarely discussed in the world of alleged fun and games - and it's not the least bit pretty. Interesting, yes; pretty, no.It turned out that the accident was only one of Malarchuk's issues, albeit one of the biggest. He had an alcoholic father who exited the family during Malarchuk's childhood, and you can guess how that will mess up everything it touches. Clint also suffered from anxiety attacks, refusing to go to school at times. Throw in an undiagnosed case of OCD, and it's the recipe for disaster.Hockey was his refuge, though, and Malarchuk was very good at goaltending. He worked very hard at it too, and moved up to the ladder to the point where he was drafted by the pros. There after an apprenticeship in the minors, Malarchuk landed in the NHL. He played for the Quebec Nordiques and Washington Capitals - not at the top of the class at his position, but certainly a worthy NHL goalie.Malarchuk hadn't figured out all of the demons yet during that time, and the accident added another large group of them. Within a year, Malarchuk was filled with anxiety, nightmares and ulcers, to the point where he drank a bottle of whiskey at a sitting in something close to a suicide attempt. His time as an NHL player ended shortly after that, and the transition to ex-player is a difficult one for even the most well-adjusted of people.Malarchuk goes through the ups and downs of his life from there in almost painful detail. He'd seem to be headed on the right path, and then have a relapse almost have to start over. Malarchuk has been married four times in his life. After reading this, it's not amazing that the first three left him; it's amazing that the fourth one stayed.The story's climax comes when a depressed Malarchuk actually shoots himself in the mouth in 2008. As could be guessed, he somehow survived it. But that doesn't mean the story of the medical recovery and the time in rehab isn't harrowing, because it certainly is. This is tough reading.There is one aspect of the book that doesn't exactly ring true. Malarchuk's own descriptions of himself aren't particularly pleasant. It's part of his disease certainly, but he's not a likable or mature person as presented here.Yet, those who knew him from his playing days will tell you that he was one of the good guys. I had a Washington writer tell me when Malarchuk was traded to Buffalo that "not only is Clint one of my favorite hockey players, he's one of my favorite people period." His sense of humor was a little quirky, but we passed off that and some of his actions to the fact that he was a goaltender. In the hockey business, goaltenders often are a different breed, perhaps because their job carries so much pressure with it.By the end, "A Matter of Inches" hints that while Malarchuk has beaten back some of those demons for now, it always will be a battle to keep them at bay. But maybe getting it out of his system in this way will help him, and maybe he'll find comfort to know that many of the people he encountered on this journey are rooting him to register the biggest of victories. In the meantime, let's hope that this book offers a helping hand to others in a similar situation who will realize after reading this that they need some help, and don't have to face it alone.

My son enjoys reading about interesting and different lives lived. He said it kept his interest and was well written.

I remember seeing Clint Malarchuk's horrific neck injury as a kid, but had not thought about him in years until seeing a 2014 profile of him on ESPN. I did not have any idea what the years after his NHL career had been like or that he has a bullet in his head as a result of a suicide attempt.Malarchuk's autobiography is very different from most sports autobiographies. As far as I know, the only other athlete who really tackles the subject of mental illness head on is Jimmy Piersall in his famous "Fear Strikes Out." memoir. The first third of Malarchuk's book is rather slow as he discusses his childhood and makes his way up the ladder in hockey. But once Malarchuk suffers his 1989 injury, the book picks up as Malarchuk's life spirals downward.It now seems difficult to believe that Malarchuk did not receive any professional counseling following his injury or that he was back on the ice just 10 days after nearly dying. He speculates in the book that one of the reasons the NHL Players' Association was so willing to pay for his trip to rehab long after his career ended is because there was at least some sense of guilt on the part of the league for not getting him some emotional support when the injury happened.Malarchuk talks about his battles with obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety, insomnia, nightmares -- all of which were made worse by alcoholism. Few athletes have ever laid bare their problems in print the way Malarchuk does here. One thing that really stuck out to me during the latter stages of the book is how amazing it is that his wife, Joanie,did not leave him when Malarchuk's life began sinking further and further into a pit of mental illness.Another line from the book that really stuck out to me was Malarchuk admitting that when he was dreaming of being an NHL goaltender, he never really thought that the thing he would be most remembered for in his career would be suffering a terrible injury and nearly dying on the ice.Malarchuk is not a professional writer, and does not claim to be. But the book has a candor to it found in few other sports autobiographies.

I finished this book last night and am still processing it. The book had a bit of everything - funny to gut wrenching moments and joy. It was a rollercoaster ride and one I'm glad I took. As someone who deals with chronic depression I found myself nodding in places about the struggle, the voices in the head and remembering my own attempts from my past. It really is hard to describe what you are going through to someone else and get them to understand. There is no such thing as being better, you manage and survive. It's not like you caught a cold and it will be gone in a few days. You battle every day.While others have slammed Mr. Malarchuk for his words and bravado in their reviews, I have to wonder how many of them have ever played a professional sport at the level he did or gone through such a traumatic event as having their throat slit? Mr. Malarchuk showed himself, showed who he is as a person, as a player, father, etc. in a very raw way. No one is superman, none of us are perfect but this is who this man is and to come forth and share his story is important. It needed to be told.I enjoyed this book very much and as someone who has been in the trenches for a long time, it's encouraging to hear another talk about their struggle so openly.

This book is not just for hockey fans. It is for anyone who wants to be inspired to persevere in the face of their inner darkness. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

A must read. Answers some questions about our own behaviour. Well priced