No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black and Free in America Paperback – February 19, 2019

I hosted a book club yesterday on this book and I must say that my peers were overcome with questions about the LGBTQ experience (many of them are cis-gender heterosexuals) and what it means to be a gay black man in society and in the south (a contrast from Moore's northern upbringing). I asked them to provide one word to sum up the book and their responses were diverse: Generational. Exhausting. Situational. Resilient. Discerning. Overshadowing. Incomplete.I dare say that there were so many parallels I drew from the book and was able to uncover in my life:-- father/son relationship-- black women and their service to others-- macro and micro level oppression-- historical accuracy-- system depravities as a result of structures-- black boy magic-- spirit of discernment-- identity negotiation and wearing of masks-- religious symbols and influence-- sexuality and sexI could go on and on but the most important piece of this work is that it was honest and sought to express to the reader an intimate view of the life and lives that exist on the fringes of blackness, gayness, and maleness. It was a riveting account of male dominance and patriarchal designations and how the people in our lives possess a Jekyll and Hyde persona with the ability to love and hurt and help and hinder.Moreover, the sociopolitical underpinnings discussed in the book further illuminated how these aspects were at work to further misconstrue our narrative, re-write our past, and augment our present milieu to take away our strength and pit us against each other. "They tried to bury us, but they didn't know we were seeds." As a result, my generation has rose and blossomed with a renewed sense of direction and a passion to help our culture progress and elevate. I had the opportunity of seeing Moore on a panel at my alma mater which highlighted a conversation about religion in the black LGBTQ community and how this induces silence and comatose, or inactive, presence. He discussed the importance of the realization of "whose necks our feet are on as there are feet upon our necks" and how the ability to exercise humanity is more important that retaliating against someone who is just as scarred and hurt as you are. It was powerful and led me to read this work. We are having a second session to unpack the concept of "unseen hands" that shape and influence our lives particularly in the LGBTQ experience.Thank you Darnell for this! I'm now ready to walk through the fire and plan to leave no ashes behind!

A fantastic read. I, like most people, tend to read books by people who affirm who I am. As a result, most of the books on my shelves are written by Black heterosexual women. This was my first time reading a book by a queer Black man and I found it to be incredibly moving.When I cried while reading the prologue, as Darnell described how we forget trauma in order to simply survive, I KNEW I would be in for a beautiful ride.I saw so much of my own family and my own city in his story. The love, the trauma, the joy, and the pain. The anti-Black racism that plagued his city was unfortunately replicated in most urban settings and I felt a renewed call to action as I was inspired by his resolve to create change.Please read this book. It is absolutely worth your time, your energy, and your tears.

A very heartwarming story about his experience coming to terms with his sexuality and how he grew up. Many parts of the memoir were relatable and even emotional. Very great book for anyone struggling with being black and gay or someone looking to get a taste of the experience.

Writing a life is a daring, daunting task. After all, how can one share the abundance of a life between a mere few hundred pages? Moore is well braced for the challenge.He’s a prolific journalist, and his writing has always impressed and inspired me. I began following his writing when he was at Mic. No matter the topic, he always wrote with the analytical skill of a historian, the awareness of an astute sociologist, and the heart of a compassionate being. Moore brings these very qualities to his memoir. He shares with us his family’s history, his city’s history, and his own; all of these things are tightly bound yet distinct. Moore grounds his analysis of the personal joys and sorrows of his life in his knowledge of the complexities of American marginalization.He’s always attentive to the wholeness of self and the wholeness of communities. Even as he unpacks the effects of anti-Black racism, neoliberalism, queer and trans antagonism, inequities in education, the ills of U.S. housing markets and so much more, he never forgets (and thus, never permits his readers to forget) that we’ve got to understand Black lives as full human lives first and foremost, not as lives solely impacted and entirely shaped by the effects of marginalization. Family, friendship, anger, rage, love, care and the lack thereof, confusion, determination, imbalance and so many other themes remain just as prominent as the larger, structural forces Moore describes.In this way, he does what Tayari Jones encourages writers to do. He writes about “people and their problems, not problems and their people.” Consequently, the resulting text is one that offers a window into Moore’s individual life, a window into the failures of the American promise, and a canvas for readers to see fragments of their own whole and fractured selves. This is a book about living—living in spite of, living because of, living in the midst of, and simply living fully.

He spends a lot of time talking about the economics of his townhome in New Jersey but, I suppose that is central to his background. Aside from that aspect I found it to be a great read.

I really enjoyed this coming of age book about a man's journey in life while being Black and Queer in America. Although I hate the idea of "the Black struggle," Darnell's personal account really resonated with me because he details struggles LGBTQ+ Black men and women face in every day life; having being faced with racism from nonBlack individuals and homophobia/transphobia from their own community while simultaneously navigating the ups and downs of life. I highly recommend this read!

Read this for a class, a really great book