The Examined Life: How We Lose and Find Ourselves

Maybe I just didn't "get"this book. I didn't feel that the author was vested in the material. These were all stories or observations, not real life to him. Some words I think of to describe the book include dry, uninteresting, unfinished, boring, impersonal, and depressing. I found many of the stories of sessions with his patients odd and/or incomplete. I was sometimes confused by conclusions he drew.An example: In "Why patients envy their children" the author recounts a dream of one of his patients that, for him (author), it neatly packages the stages of life. In the dream, the patient's grandparents are at the top of a mountain, his parents just below them, he is further down the mountain, and his children are at the foot of the mountain (get it? life is a mountain - you start at the bottom, climb up, and die at the top). At one point in the dream, the patient hides and his children pass him on the mountain. He steps back, sees his children above him, and feels euphoric. The author says the patient unconsciously wants to switch places with his children so he will have a longer future ahead of him. Since this is in a section about envying one's children, I am left to assume that the author wants us to see this patient as envying his children for having a longer life than he has. Wait a minute? Isn't it possible the that the euphoria the patient felt was fatherly pride that his children were "doing better" in life than he was? That they were "further along" in life than he was and that pleased him?As I said at the beginning, the problem may be that I just didn't "get" this book. Based on other reviews, many people have, and I am happy for those people. For me, it was a waste of time and money.

I saw this book in the stores while on a visit to London last year. Took me all this time to order it (last week) on my Kindle. Happily was anything bit disappointed. What I specially liked is the memoir approach and how the author weaves together stories of his patients with his own story. That he is willing to show his own vulnerabilities and that he also needs to figure some things out makes him human and deeply authentic. For example, when he takes his dad on a journey into the past. Lots of food for thought on the unpredictability and complexities of life. One thing I specially appreciated is his chapter on grieving and "closure." I think, every time I see the word bandied about, how preposterous it is. He's the first person I've seen actually write about this and make the point that life doesn't work like that. Very worthwhile and thoughtful little book that was a pleasure to read.

A beautiful book. Almost parable-esque the way it stays with you. Author weaves a story made up of stories about someone else, somewhat real, somewhat altered, which makes it all very absorbable. It’s not that the individual stories/instances have stuck with me, becoming useful, but that the overall compilation provides an understanding of the rhythms of the mind, how it works, what it looks like when something, unseen, is there and affecting us/needs to be, as psychoanalysis calls it, “looked at.” The over arching story is the bow that wraps it all with great creativity.

A wonderful and compassionate book. The author, a psychoanalyst, captures the humanity of working with people to help them relieve their suffering. He is a true "mensch" and writes with warmth and a respect for the people he treats. As a psychotherapist myself, I was moved and - in the chapter about his father - brought to tears.

Very insightful and inspiring.Finally, psychoanalytic case material made accessible to lay people that only heard mixed opinions about psychoanalysis' usefulness. It reads like the best short stories you read by a fireplace in a dreamily and pensive mood.

Wonderful, fast read. Bought for several friends. None of us could put it down!

It's becoming a fashion for the psychoanalysts and psychotherapists to write fiction from their clinical cases. That can often be an interesting reading but rarely it's well written. This is to my mind one of these cases when a reader really meets a piece of literature - laconic, intriguing but clear and reflective short stories. Difficult genre well elaborated

I bought this book based on the reviews and I was not disappointed. Beautifully written, I finished this in one sitting! Really lovely book.

Zipped through this book in just a few sittings. Really loved how most of the chapters were rounded off with small universal truths that all of us as readers could probably relate to.One of the most poignant chapters 'Going back' recounts the author's own reflections of a trip to Hungary with his 80 year old father - a Holocaust survivor. Emptied of the people his father loved, the places visited, were no longer the places his father had known. Makes one question what is home? Why do we remember what we want to remember and forget what we want to forget?Other stand out chapters for me included 'How a fear of loss can cause us to lose everything', 'on mourning the future' and 'how praise can cause a loss of confidence'. On a personal level, the book was really worth reading for the chapter 'on closure' dealing with bereavement. I wholly agree with the author - "Closure is...delusive. It is the false hope that we can deaden our living grief".Real life case studies (including recollections of the author's own personal experiences) covering a range of individuals varying in age and socio economic background, made this a fascinating insight into the world of psychoanalysis. Would recommend.

Superb. Absolutely superb. I could not put this book down. Written as a series of anecdotal 'memoirs', Stephen Grosz puts across the frailties of the human condition with total reverence, understanding and compassion. He tackles lots of the issues that seek to intrude into our everyday lives and each one is written about in plain, easily read language. He could so easily have protracted this into some high-brow psychoanalyst speak but he refrains from doing so and as a result, the book has a beautiful flow to it.Well done, that man.If you're a student of counselling or psychotherapy, I would recommend this book.If you're not a student of counselling or psychotherapy, I would recommend this book.Enjoy.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, it had a great selection of fascinating case studies from the writers long career as a psychoanalyst. Each story is really well written and easy to follow, with the initial problem being given, the diagnosis being explained and the outcome discussed. I shall definitely read this book again and again, as it's useful both on a personal and a professional level. I'd recommend to anyone seeking to examine their life, regardless of whether they are a therapist or not.

PROS:+ Gripping read: every story draws you into the narrative and gives you a feel of what happened in the therapy room+ Every chapter introduces a new patient/story and after reading you will feel closer to the internal struggles narrated+ You may feel slightly mirrored in some chapters and find new perspective on your own experience+ Brief and easy to read chapters+ The author does not pretend to know everything and keeps the tone down to earthCONS:- You may not enjoy the narration structure of one patient story per chapter- Not a lot of information on the basis of psychoanalysis or counselling practice

My fellow psychology student recommended this book to me. I see myself as quite open - minded so I thought why not? and ordered it. There is something for everyone in this book. You won't remember every story but there are some that will see traces of yourselves in. This didn't even feel like a book. There is no beginning, middle and end, only perspectives from all kinds of people. There is a story about an HIV patient just as there is a story about a 10 - year old boy abused as a child. This book will definitely open your mind to the possibilities of human thinking. There are things you will read and think how can someone get to a stage where this they think like this, just as there will be times when you think that sounds familiar. Go into this with no expectations because you cannot really have any. Just let Grosz take you on his journey. I will also add, that as someone who knew very little about psychoanalysis (except for the whole Freud and couch situation), this gives you multiple ways of looking at it. Above all, this book is interesting. And I know that word is overused, but I mean that. There is not one boring story in this book, because we're already onto the next one to before Grosz lets it set in. This is well worth your time and money.

First of all this is an excellent audio production, the speech is clear and the voice acting perfectly cast, there is not jarring or annoying musical or sound effect accompaniment and the tone and pace of speech is just so, so appropriate. I began on a drive/car journey to listen to the first disk and decided to take a longer journey than I had initially planned because the production is just so good that I wanted to listen to more of it than I had anticipated I would want to.The casting of the voice actor is pretty important to the enjoyment or displeasure when listening to audiobooks at the best of times but given that the content of this is psychoanalysis and sometimes some traumatic and unhappy material is involved it is doubly important. The material itself is very, very good, I had this book in hardback also but had not read it yet, I think that if I did not I may have considered buying a paper or hardback copy anyway after listening to this.As I have said some of the material is a little harrowing, discussion of serious self-injury, attempted suicide or disturbed thinking and behaviour, it is not in any respect "psychobabble", it is removed from the self-help genres and likely to please the general listener as much as those with a more seasoned interest in psychoanalysis. No prior knowledge is necessary or assumed on the part of the listener, which is great, and equally there is no effort to dumb down content or simplify it, which is also most welcome.There is no adaption and abridgement hell associated with this production too which is very important, I have encountered this once or twice the worst instance of which was the audiobook of Rob Bell's book Love Wins, which is fine but at points has he himself describing "well, at this point on this page there is a picture of...", I really did not like those production values at all.

The layout of this book is unique in that it is a collection of many different anecdotes of psychoanalysis patients who the writer uses to exemplify psychological theory. In doing this, as a reader i felt entertained by the different topics and titles, some of which I found very relatable, and thus was even questioning my own unconscious mind. A great read.However, with lots of different anecdotes, the book as a whole lacked some depth. As you find yourself becoming involved and interested in a particular case study, yet, before long the writer begins another topic.

This fascinating book may be about other peoples' lives but it also taught me a lot about my own. In telling his clients' stories, Grosz demonstrates that our complex internal lives are not so different, that we all have the same fundamental wants & needs at our cores. Aspects of our emotional life which we all go through, and all help others through, are examined - how we handle grief, the surprisingly subtle signs of negativity, how our upbringing can affect us in unexpected ways (the current fashion for praising children is apparently just as undermining as the parents of previous generations' tendency towards unfettered criticism). I'm no particular fan of Freud but rather than trying to fit his clients into particular theoretical pigeonholes, Grosz merely listens, considers & compares. His approach is more humane than academic.Having initially come across The Examined Life when it was read out on Radio 4, I opted for the audiobook version. Peter Marinker's gentle tones are wholly suited to the subject matter. There are a couple of occasions where it is not initially clear that the narrative has shifted from the first person to dialogue because his voice does not change but the content quickly made it obvious. I wouldn't say it added to the text, as exceptionally well-read audiobooks can on occasion, but I also have the book & found that I prefer the audio version. It's unabridged, running to a mere 5 hours & 20 minutes of undiluted wisdom.

A strange book full of very strange people who seem to take years of paying for psychotherapy to get any answers. Not sure why it would be of interest to anyone. A rather sad inventory of the failure of psychotherapy to help anyone unless they are able to spend years on a couch and a lot of money in the process.

As a counsellor, I was perhaps only naturally drawn to this book. It is not self-help (thank God); nor is it a way of examining detailed case studies of Grosz's clientele. Instead, THE EXAMINED LIFE is a short examination on the human condition. Neatly, Grosz has collected the short insights into his work into 5 separate sections: Beginnings, Telling Lies, Loving, Changing and Leaving.What I enjoyed about this work most was the chance to have a bit of an insight into the work of a psychoanalyst. There were times when his cases made me think about some of the clients I have worked with as a counsellor. There were also times when I began to think of my own life and experiences. My copy of this book has quite a few sticky notes, highlighting certain sections.The only gripe I had was Grosz's declaration that counsellors working with the bereaved offer their clients the chance of closure. He states that "... closure is what the counselling trade tends to promise" (p. 209). I take objection to this statement. Firstly, it undermines counselling by calling it a trade - it is a profession. Secondly, I have worked as a bereavement counsellor and I never offered closure. I am not in the habit of promising anything to my clients which I cannot deliver on.That aside, I thoroughly enjoyed THE EXAMINED LIFE. I have also recommended it to colleagues.

I gave the book four stars because it was an intriguing and well written read that I was keen to finish in just a few days. As a collection of stories from a psychotherapists consulting room I cannot help but compare with Momma and the Meaning of Life by Irvin Yalom. The format is a similar one but for me the stories themselves were perhaps not as gripping or memorable as Yaloms tales but they were nonetheless still enjoyable and a great insight into the world of a psychoanalyst at work. The thing that pleasantly surprised me was the humanity and compassion that Stephen shows to his patients and I was heartened by his humility in sharing where he may have made an error of judgment. Psychoanalysis in its original five times weekly form and conducted via use of a couch had always struck me as a very starchy and clinical affair and is perhaps a dying art now. Due to the expense and lengthy nature of this type of therapy I would think (as it was even in Freud's day) few but the elite could afford it such a therapy but as I read here about the connections between analyst and patients and the positive gains so many clearly made I can clearly see the benefits and feel its demise would perhaps be a loss. Modern, quick fix, short term therapy will never be able to replicate the life changing and transformative relationship that we see detailed here. Thank you kindly for sharing Stephen, it was clear you have so much good work to be proud of and much to teach us about human nature.

I bought this for myself a few years back but purchased another copy recently for a friend of mine. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Nice, short stories but you can learn from each one (and likely see yourself in a lot of them too).

I had read a review about this book in the Observer, a friend had mentioned it, and a client was raving about it. I did not think I would like it, as I am not a fan of Freudian analysis.I wondered whether it would be like Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy (Penguin Psychology) What a surprise. This is a collection of short stories based on Stephen Grosz's work with his patients. It is accessible and jargon free.He raised some interesting issues with tricky patients, who lie to their therapists. Stephen Grosz was led to believe his client had committed suicide, after receiving information about the funeral, only for the client to reappear. At the end of the day therapists only know what their patients tell them.It is not unusual that an analyst can help a patient solve a problem that the analyst has been struggling with unsuccessfully in his own life.I enjoyed the section on loss, where he talked about how if we don't accept some loss, we can lose everything.We have moments in our lives where we are presented with fire alarms, but we stand around waiting for what?I was amazed at his description of his work with the young boy who spat at him, each session. I don't know of any therapist who would tolerate this, and it demonstrates how sensitive he is.I found the section with his friend Tom amusing, where Tom describes his own therapy, and the minutiae, how everything is interpreted, by his analyst. That sometimes in therapy, for the patient, there may be times when there is no meaning. However after the end of his therapy, when Tom has difficulties, he can recall what happened in his own therapy, and is able to draw on what he learned.His view on grieving and closure I found interesting, and how for the person who dies there is an end, but not for the person who grieves.I have discussed the book with friends, and there is so much that we can relate to. It was a good read, and demonstrates how challenging and enjoyable the work can be for an analyst. Stephen Grosz is open about his work, and I admire his ability to share his vulnerabilities in the book. Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy (Penguin Psychology)

This book contains fascinating stories about the process of psychoanalysis. I was enjoying reading it to my students when someone stole it from the staff room. So I can't write much more I'm afraid. (If anyone knows who took it...and why!...then please contact me).Ah, ah...now Amazon Vine have sent me the CD to review. And this turns out to be a whole lot better than the book as the case histories come across as real life mysteries which may only be solved by a crack psychoanalytic detective like Dr Grosz. The CD is ideal for taking on long car journeys or for mulling over with a glass of wine after a day at work. I would also recommend the CD for teachers who need some interesting source material for teaching the abnormal approach in A or degree level courses.It's all got me round to asking myself what hidden childhood trauma caused my colleague to steal my original book from the staff room....

A magnificently framed reflection on years of case notes, carefully ordered to, in their own way tell a story of the human experience. Whether you approve of Psychoanalysis or not, the thoughts and connections made in this book are worth considering. There is no more difficult or important task than knowing oneself.