The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking

The full title of this book--"The Antidote: Happiness for People who Can't Stand Positive Thinking," implies that positive thinking can be a problem and that this book provides a solution. However, the statement that "positive thinking is a problem" would be too strongly worded--and the idea that positive thinking is a problem for only some people would be too limiting.What is problematic, as this book points out, is *over-attached* positive thinking. It's more the ATTACHMENT to positive goals than the fact that the goals are positive that is the problem. And this is a problem for MOST people in Western culture, not just those who are cynical enough to be repelled by Norman Vincent Peale and his ilk.Through an amusing array of journalistic anecdotes--his visits to places such as the Insight Meditation Center in Barre MA, "The Museum of Failure" in Ann Arbor, the death shrine in Tepito, Mexico and to a lively cemetary during Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) in Mexico, or the slum of Kibera in Kenya, and his interviews or summaries of the work of characters such as the ever-crusty Albert Ellis, the ephemeral Eckhardt Tolle, or security expert Bruce Schneier (noted for his opposition to the 9/11 security crackdown)--Burkman makes his case for "the negative path to happiness."The negative path to happiness is to embrace insecurity, failure, and death--to learn that these are inevitable aspects of life, and to gain the perspective that death and impermanence are the very things that make life and our positive experiences so precious, and that our repeated failures are what lead us to eventually succeed--and to, above all, learn perspective and non-attachment to experiences and outcomes, and the art of non-doing, in opposed to our more typical goal-striving and grasping, which often ironically backfire to make us miserable rather than happy.In the course of the book, Burkman reviews approaches such as those of the Stoic philosophers and the Buddhists, and touches on psychological theories such as Dan Wegner's theory of ironic processes ( White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts ), Albert Ellis's distinct brand of cognitive behavioral therapy (with its emphasis on how the "Musts" that we create for ourself are what create our misery, and how embracing the worst case can make us realize that what is actually happening is not so bad in comparison) ( How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable about Anything: Yes Anything! ) and Ernest Becker's theory of the denial of death (and associated modern research from terror management theory)(e.g.,  In the Wake of 9-11: The Psychology of Terror ), and work from theorists who stress the downside risks of goal-setting ( Destructive Goal Pursuit: The Mt. Everest Disaster ).Reading Oliver Burkman's book was, for me, like going to a convention--there was the chance to mingle and catch up with old friends (including, for me, Shoma Morita  Constructive Living (Kolowalu Books) and Irving Yalom  Love's Executioner ) and to meet like-minded new ones, and there was a huge buffet of ideas, each one of you are provided a chance to nibble at. But for each person that you meet in the book, there is just the chance to say hello and never the chance to fully catch up, and for each tasty morsel, there is just a nibble. Burkman succeeds in bringing together and finding commonality in a wide variety of ideas, and for that he is to be commended. This is more a book to whet the appetite than to provide any true satiation--but as any Seeker knows, one grows from the process of asking and seeking answers to questions, not from having the answers themselves.For what it is--a journalistic account, and not a philosophical treatise or psychological theory--this is an excellent and entertaining book.********************************************************************************************************************************************There are three things that I wish were improved.First, his final chapter summarizing the "negative path" to happiness could have been more substantive--the best material on "the negative path" is in the first chapter of the book, and could have been reiterated and elaborated more in the conclusion.Second, while hugely wide-ranging and having the idea that some people will be turned off by positive thinking in the very title, Burkman somehow missed out on the wonderful work on defensive pessimism (see  The Positive Power of Negative Thinking: Using Defensive Pessimism to Harness Anxiety and Perform at Your Peak , which would help address the question of which people might be turned off by the positive thinking approach and why. Some people are more motivated by "approach" and others by "avoidance"--and this issue will be explored in the forthcoming book  Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing the World for Success and Influence , whose publication I eagerly anticipate.Finally, the book, by its nature, lumps all positive thinking together and doesn't get at its nuances. There is wonderful work done in the field of positive psychology, and the idea of balance--that happiness involves BOTH removing the causes of unnecessary suffering (which is what "The Antidote" focuses on) AND adding potential causes of happiness (for example, remembering to do a "Gratitude check," expanding one's social network, and doing "random acts of kindness" for others)--is missing here. (People interested in exploring a more balanced approach which combines these ideas might explore the work on Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, developed by Steven Hayes but most readably introduced by Russ Harris ( The Happiness Trap ), and might also explore valuable works in Positive Psychology such as Sonja Lyubormirsky's  The Myths of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn't, What Shouldn't Make You Happy, but Does , which is about how we can do a great deal to make ourselves happier by stopping believing/doing those things which we think will make us happier but actually make us miserable--an idea which fits very well with "The Antidote."As the Buddhists say, "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." (I would add to that, "joy is possible, but fleeting.") Reading this book and further exploring the ideas and approaches you are introduced to here can be a way learn to avoid that suffering.

Something worth reading I think

A high school friend, from some 45 plus years ago recommended this book... which Does mean that he's smarter than I Am! I embrace his philosophy as much as I'm able...and embrace all of life's challenges...including death..

An excellent book, particularly for people experiencing "existential angst" (my definition being that they feel depressed and anxious about their lives, the state of the world in general, and their place in it). The author basically examines the belief in positive thinking and the mental denial of failure, and points out the extent to which such beliefs frequently lead do NOT lead to happiness, but to feelings of disappointment and self-blame. He then embarks on an easily read examination of a series of philosophies, philosophers, and research sources to discover how one can more effectively find tranquility by embracing uncertainty and acceptance of what may be - whatever it may be.The extraordinarily well-read author's path leads us from Seneca and the Stoics, past some disadvantages of goal-setting to Ulrich Tolle and the benefits of insecurity. He pays a rather entertaining visit to a museum dedicated to products that failed in the marketplace, the "survivor bias," and a discussion about the widespread avoidance of thoughts about death. Each of these is a starting point for his very cogent thoughts and research about a specific aspect of the journey on which he is taking the reader.I must admit to having been somewhat of a convert to the author's philosophy before picking up the book, so that there is some bias here, but I truly believe that most Westerners would benefit greatly from reading this book slowly and thoughtfully. True, there was a point in mid-read when either my mind wandered, or the author did not clearly explain the connection between the current topic and his main line of thought. However, he (or I) returned well before the end and left me extremely glad to have read it.In his Epilogue, Burkeman uses two expressions with which I was not familiar but which were particularly interesting to me: First, "negative capability," reportedly coined by the poet John Keats who explained it as "when [one] is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason..." Second is a word that may have the same meaning, acceptance of "opensure," which is the opposite of closure. As a counselor and coach I have often thought that if people could end their search for certainty and/or closure they would be much happier, and I am pleased to find a word that describes that state.The very thoroughly researched text ends with an extensive bibliography, so that the curious can go to sources quite easily.I recommend Oliver Burkeman's "The Antidote" to just about anyone whose search for certainty, or belief in positive thinking as the path to happiness, have not actually led them to the tranquility that they seek. That would probably be most people.

Even though this book is only a slim 212 pages, I found myself struggling to finish it with any great enthusiasm. I know the author Oliver Burkeman from his Weekend Guardian column “This Column Will Change Your Life” some of which – about productivity, procrastination, information overload etc - I found interesting. I was hoping that his book would be fill of short, pithy advice like his columns, but it felt like he had expanded a small amount of material to pad out a whole book without really saying very much. As I’ve never really bought the whole ‘Positive Thinking’ thing anyway, it’s possible that I was just the wrong reader for this book.The book sets out to show how negative thinking/pessimism/realistic thinking (call it what you will) is often the better path over positive thinking/optimism/fantasy thinking. It does this by describing the author’s journey of discovery – his interviews with Positive Thinking gurus, psychologists, neuroscientists, academics and other experts, as well as some practical experiments.Over eight chapters, his advice could thus be summarised as:1) Don’t Try Too Hard to be Happy – it will have just the opposite effect2) Ancient Greek Stoicism – Keeping Calm in Chaos - is a good alternative to Positive Thinking3) Buddhist Thinking – Accepting That Life is Unfair and A Struggle - is a good alternative to Positive Thinking4) Setting Goals can lead to an ‘all or nothing’ approach to achieving them which can be disastrous; stop Trying To Control The Future – You Won’t Succeed5) Stop Thinking About Yourself All The Time – it’s not all about you6) Embrace Uncertainty as part of life and You Won’t be Scared of It7) Embrace Failure as part of life and You Won’t Be Scared of It8) Embrace Death as part of life and You Won’t Be Scared of ItAll this is very good and sensible advice but I think it could have been said in a much shorter and more dynamic way.

I recently started a spell of reading books which run contra to a lot of the positive thinking self-help genre which I've developed a growing dislike for, too many easy solutions that seem to have been bought lock, stock and barrel by too many people and whose critical evaluation no one is engaged. Those that do are being dismissed one way or another, usually with the vagary of "being negative".Its been a distinctly mixed reading experience, although I really do have to recommend this one. If nothing else Burkeman is a very good writer, he weaves together analogies, knowledge of theory, research and reporting his own experiences when he has tried out certain recommendations himself very well. Its more a page turner than I had expected. The contents are clear, there's great supporting endnotes and references and a good supporting index, all of which make it easy to find what you are looking for quickly, although, as I say, its such a well written book that its easy to read and read chapters at a time too.Burkeman explores stoicisim, buddhism's non-attachment principles, even meets with the author who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, a sort of revitalised stoicism, criticises goal setting, the focus upon the self, talks about the benefits of insecurity, embracing your failures at the museum of failure and finally focuses in on the tradition of momento mori (remember you will die).I have had some acquaintance with these ideas prior to reading Burkeman, indeed, some of my perspective has been shaped by Erich Fromm who initially promoted Zen Buddhism and some ideas now associated with the so called Optimisation Movement but was pretty scathing about how those ideas were commercialised in his day, the promotion of "easy/effortless fixes" and he really seemed to disapprove of the Human Potential Movement. Burkeman's presentation is good, no prior acquaintance with the ideas is necessary to enjoy the book, or even benefit from some of the insights I would say, it is an antidote to the sorts of positive thinking he finds vexing, and I suspect much of his potential readership too.The book is similar to Psychobabble: Exploding the myths of the self help generation by Dr Stephen Briers but I think Oliver Burkeman's book is the better of the two, it could just be personal preference but I think the pace of narrative and writing style is more engaging. I would also say cheering or encouraging but that may just be my own personal perspective.

Despite appearance this is, after all, another book about happiness. He starts off attacking the most extreme versions of American positive thinking culture, as if this is what characterises other books on happiness, and then settles down into a more positive assessment of Stoicism, Buddhism and other philosophies. Very much written in journalistic style, it's quite a good read once you get past the first few pages. However, he appears to be unfamiliar with good quality scientific work on happiness such as books by Sonja Lyubomirsky and the whole field of positive psychology as opposed to 'positive thinking'.

I don’t often write reviews but as a self development junkie of sorts I have to say I loved this book. I’ve never understood with so many disciplines why there’s something missing and why all the work isn’t rewarded with revelations and breakthroughs. This book answers the question as to why the trying is often the problem and comes up with other ways of accessing counter positive approaches. Brilliantly written and written in a lovely humour full style.

I first met Mr Burkeman the Author of this book when he interviewed me 12 years ago for the Guardian. I remembered how well written and balanced the resulting article was at the time so when I came across this book recently I decided to give it a try and I am very pleased that I did!For the past decade or so I have been studying and dipping into psychology, NLP, self-help books and CD's from all sorts of 'gurus', some made sense, some had wild promises with titles like 'super ultimate success in 99 guaranteed steps if you follow my 3 hour plan to the letter' etc etc... I had very mixed results and luckily avoided accepting the invites to 'seminars' that took you to even more heights of success - (for a few thousand quid of course).In the same way Richard Carlson's 'Stop Thinking and Start Living' gave me a eureka moment I found 'The Antidote' brought balance and relief from the rabbit trails I had been pursuing. It was like someone disengaging the brain from being stuck in high revs to suddenly freewheeling down the hill and taking in the view.I no longer worry about journals, daily mantras and visualisations and rigid steps to success... (that I wasn't doing anyway because it wasn't working for me), instead I'm quite enjoying the present, planning the next move and being pro-active but without the stress or ridiculous expectations I'd been setting myself. And it helped answer the question for me that I had been pondering... 'If these self-help guys have it so sussed, why do I buy more books from other people like them who have also got it sussed!?'The book discusses Oliver's worldwide travels and interviews with interesting people through topics like accepting death as part of life, change and the ups and downs of life, finding 'contentment' over 'pursuit of happiness', stoicism, living for the moment rather than imagining you've achieved future goals etc (which apparently make us less likely to strive for them anyway) ... if you watch the little film promoting it on his website it's pretty good at explaining more. It's not offering or pushing solutions either.... just different ideas.Mr Burkeman writes more like a novelist, it's easy to read and it's the kind of book you'll want to re-read or dip into. It's also going to save me lots of money and time adding more self-help books to my collection.