Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir Hardcover – Deckle Edge, November 1, 2022

I just finished Mathew's book. I did not realize until I was almost done with his story that it could have been my father's story accept, my father died after getting septic from colon cancer surgery. He too had a fistula and they gave him liquids which spilled out and killed him. Dad drank, smoked, and took all the same drugs Mathew did. My Dad rejected AA because of step two. My Dad had an irrational fear of "insanity". My father saw shrinks and they gave him drugs to treat the fear and anxiety. My Dad had seven children with four different woman and many woman on the side. Mathew, my Dad and myself were abandoned at a critical time when we were vulnerable children. I think my Dad, Mathew and I were and are driven by the desire to have that feeling of safety and comfort we lost early in life if it ever really existed. Maybe we are trying to find that feeling of safety and comfort we imagine only exists for others. I also believe that that 'feeling' in the gut of anxiety and fear can be about a screwed up digestive track made worse by relationships, drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Relationships, drugs, alcohol and cigarettes cause and treat the discomfort of fear and anxiety. These substances and behaviors seem to bring relief but only for a moment and then they make it worse. I think the absence of depression and anxiety can be from the absence of an irritable bowel and peace of mind. Mathew was born with colic his stomach was a problem from the start.This is a list of some of the substances he used.Constant crying from colic Mathew was drugged withphenobarbital so his parents could sleep.DilaudidSuboxoneValiumXanax.At one point he was addicted to six milligrams of Ativan a day.boozeOxy is what blew up Mathew's colon. The warm honey feeling he describes from the oxy paralyzes the gut bringing on depression and anxiety. At one point Mathew did sixty pills a day. My Dad suffered from Oxy. I experienced it too.All this stuff impacts mood. Depression, fear, anxiety. Fear of depression, anxiety and fear. The same feelings of abandonment, fear and anxiety a small child feels [I felt] when I became aware I was abandoned. These feelings are alive and well in Mathew's and my body and they can be triggered by 'something happening good or bad' I don't like to leave my house because just pulling out of my driveway is stressful.After reading the book I can better understand myself and my Dad. I was not present for my life and I mistreated the people I love while seeking relief from my addiction/discomfort. I even became co-dependent in recovery by trying to replace the substances with gurus. I too had the spiritual experience that made me feel completely loved and free from my insanity. It lasted until I tried to talk about it with other people who did not "get it". I was distracted by their lack of appreciation for what I was saying.After reading this book I feel like I have been in rehab for a week. I see my disease better. Mathew Perry lived the unbelievable nightmare of mental illness and lived to tell about it. We focus on the substance when that substance is really just an attempt to treat the real problem. Is self-awareness of the core issue enough to free oneself from the intolerable agony of having paralyzing feelings of being discarded and fearing it will happen again and again. Even if only just by the president of the PTA. Isolation is the only way I knew to protect myself from fulfilling the prophecy my sister made to me. She said I would never have any friends. I was eight years old. She was nine. I believed her. I was all alone on Rancho Drive. I had no friends not even my sister. Just the word "friends" can trigger my discomfort. No matter how many people I call friend I can not dispel that belief. The big secret I carry is I believe I have no value. When people treat me as though I have no value I want to die. Mathew said it annihilated him to be left. Annihilated describes the feeling I want to avoid the most. Until now I could not think of a word strong enough to convey my discomfort. Annihilation feels right. Sadly, whenever I risked talking about this belief, I was told to "get over it". That would be fine accept it is who I think I am. Can I just get over it?What or how would I know if I were over it?"I want God to always be there for me now, whenever I clear my channel to feel his awesomeness."I hope you read the book.

No lo terminé. Apenas leí las dos primeras páginas y sé que estoy frente a alguien que vivió horrores, que la tuvo que pelear tantas veces, que nos hizo reir un montón pero en el medio de sus infiernos personales. La resiliencia de Matthew me deja sin palabras. Y ni bien lo tuve en mis manos, leí apenas unas páginas y supe lo que siempre supe desde que lo conocí por Friends, esta persona es ORO para el mundo.El mundo le festejó sus risas pero no estuvo ahi como el estuvo para nosotres. Algo que me va a doler para siempre, pese a que la geografía y un montón de cosas hicieron imposible estar para él de manera significante.Espero que haciendonos reir una parte de tu corazón haya latido con vida y haya, por lo menos un ratito, paleado ese dolor que llevaste siempre, Matt.Te queremos y tus fans, tus fans verdaderos, te queremos por como sos, seguimos tu vida, quisimos saber mas de vos, nos dimos cuenta de tus cambios en Friends, nos preocupamos por tu salud y tratamos de saber qué pasaba detrás de esas risas increibles, esas risas que te doblan el estómago y como dice Lisa, te hacen sentir que vas a morir.Me duele muchisimo que hoy tenga este libro en forma póstuma porque en el comienzo el advierte que podes estar leyendo este libro con él fallecido.Estoy segura de que él esta en paz, de que su sufrimiento acabó, de que le dejó al mundo el legado mas precioso de todos: su alma, su corazón y su historia para ayudar a otras personas. Friends es atemporal y vivirá siempre en nuestros corazones pero este libro nos conecta con la persona que fuiste antes, durante y después de Chandler. Y ojalá eso nos haga pensar en que detrás de los actores y actrices hay seres humanos, probablemente pasandola mal, por presiones tanto de sus trabajos como de su fama, como de no poder ni caminar sin un fotografo en la cara.Espero que Matthew finalmente enseñe a mucha gente a entender que detrás de alguien que nos hace tanto bien hay un ser humano y que si tanto lo admiramos y queremos no podemos estar consumiendo basura que nos mete la prensa, o saltando histericamente por un autografo. Soy la primera en reconocer que hubiese caido desmayada si lo hubiese visto en persona. Pero por favor, son seres humanos, nos alegran y hacen bien al corazón por algo de nuestras vidas, por nuestros propios infiernos, asi que respetemoslo como ellos nos respetan a nosotros y nos dan lo mejor de si mismos. No nos deben sus vidas privadas, pero este actor, este ser humano, nos la está dando.Respeten a Matthew y dejen de consumir cosas que dicen que "solo quería vender un libro" ¿En serio? ¿En serio eso es lo que vos sentis cuando ves una entrevista donde se le nota el profundo dolor y vacio? ¿En serio pensas eso cuando once meses después fallece? ¿Para que quiere la plata? ¿Para que quiere la fama? Eso mismo es lo que cuenta en este libro, que todo lo que quizo jamás le lleno el vació existencial que en algun momento todos tenemos.RESPETO a este y a cualquier ser humano que nos da el privilegio de compartir su historia. Mas respeto y menos (cero) tabloides.Matthew Perry es un ser humano con todas las letras. Por favor, sean como el y cualquiera que crea que todo esto es mentira, lejos esta de entender lo que es ser un ser humano y entender el dolor ajeno. Seguramente lejos esta de entender el suyo propio. Gente alienada por cosas irrelevantes sin conectar con lo realmente importante. Esta persona se fue del mundo fisicamente pero dejandolo todo, vos, que tanto lo criticas ¿que estas aportando para mejorar a la humanidad? ¿que estas aportando para que el mundo mejore? ¿veneno?.El veneno solo te consume a vos, no a quien crees envenenar. A él ya lo envenenó su infierno, no creas que lo que digas sobre él le hubiese importado algo.Saludos y espero todos puedan disfrutar esta joya de humano que fue, y siempre será. Y mis respetos profundos por todo el elenco de Friends que siempre estuvo ahi como una familia, como la que biologicamente no tuvo, porque muchos sabemos que la familia se hace y no se nace.

A peak behind the curtain bettered left closed.Reminds one to be careful of judging a book by its cover.Probably reads differently knowing the eventual outcome 2 years later.

One of the saddest books I've ever read. I was never a big fan of 'Friends' when it was on, although occasionally I'll watch reruns. What is heartbreaking is the physical and mental pain this young man went through: the fact that he was able to be an actor in spite of everything else is amazing by itself. An incredibly strong man, but unfortunately his disease was stronger. I hope Mr. Perry is finally at peace and without all the pain he had to deal with. Another incredible talent gone way, way too soon.

I couldn’t put this book down. As a longtime fan of Matthew Perry, I’ve followed his career through its highs and lows—but Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing offers a deeply personal, behind-the-scenes look at his life and career.This isn’t just a celebrity memoir—it’s a raw, brutally honest, and often heartbreaking journey through addiction, fame, and recovery. Perry writes with self-awareness and surprising humor, even in the darkest moments. He doesn’t sugarcoat anything, and that’s what makes it so powerful.Whether you’re a fan of Friends, curious about the realities of addiction, or just appreciate a well-told human story, this book is worth your time. You’ll come away with a deeper understanding of the man behind Chandler Bing—and maybe a little more empathy for anyone fighting a battle you can’t see.Highly recommend. It's moving, memorable, and stays with you long after the last page.