We Do Paperback – December 1, 2018

I’ve been appreciating the concepts throughout this book with some solid guidelines for couples to follow together as well as thoughtful questions to work through the difficult conversations and creating stronger connections.

An original and timely treatment of a very important topic - how couples can build a strong connection that endures the test of time. I use this gem of a book in my therapy practice and find Stan Tatkin's personal reflections, strategies, and exercises refreshing and helpful for couples who struggle with trust and intimacy issues. Both therapists and couples would be wise to keep Tatkin's book on their coffee table. It's a virtual handbook full of tools that are cutting edge and yet practical and easy to use!

My husband and I really enjoy this book. It's a great "here's what couples can do as a team" instead of "here's how I separate the couple into parts by talking about what men need to know about women and women need to know about men". Recommended by my therapist, and if you like it I recommend looking into somatic therapy!

The author, Stan Tatkin, has done a masterful job of putting together a "how to" manual for building a successful relationship. I would highly recommend this book to anyone starting a new relationship or wanting to rekindle a long-standing one. It could be "the one" book you need.The wisdom, research, and exercises he gives us bring together a lot of disparate information in a concise, practical, and compelling book. He takes the mystery out of how to build a successful relationship.I give it a picky four stars instead of five only because he emphasizes that a deeply committed relationship is a "survival unit" that helps us navigate a confusing and sometimes bewildering world out there. He is not wrong in this. We do need others, and a significant someone else, to support us in our development as human beings. I would just like to see more of an emphasis on this central relationship as a thriving unit, or a surthrival unit if we must. It isn't enough to survive the world around us, or to have a relationship that supports us in doing that. Our primary bonding relationship should cause us to thrive in ways that we would not without it. Stan's book gives us just that relationship. It truly does support thriving. I just wish he would have emphasized that instead of surviving.But I get his point. It's a tough world out there to navigate on our own, and surviving it alone is not easy. Thriving in it is even tougher. Stan's book, more than most I've read, gives us the tools to not just survive, but thrive together. I highly recommend this book to anyone building a relationship.

I have been a fan of Stan's work for a long time. My husband and I went to one of his workshops after reading Wired for Love and our marriage has been on an upward trajectory ever since. When I saw We Do, I thought I would get it for our nanny when she got engaged. Her relationship background isn't stellar so my hopes were to help her with some of the realities of marriage, without having to actually "give" her advice. The concepts of the wave, anchor and island were incredibly helpful for helping me as I learned to understand the natural differences my husband I share. Watching her with her partner it was easy to see 10 years down the road, they would face some of the same challenges.It was an early xmas gift, after I read it first, and she called tonight about the eye contact exercise and was happier than I have seen her. Understanding from the beginning the real depth of marriage is so important. I don't know how you accurately convey it or what it will be like when you hit the hard times, but this book works when those things erupt.Stan's support for couples stands the test of time, regardless of marital arrangement or configuration.When our nanny gets married in May, I know that the two of them will be on the right track. If you're looking for a gift for someone you care about to say the advice that feels almost impossible to put into simple words, this book is it. I will be gifting this to others as they announce their happy news for many years to come.

I would recommend this book to anyone in any stage of their relationship. Just dating? Buy it. Engaged? Buy it. Married? Buy it. On the verge of a possible split? Buy it. Married 25+ years? Buy it. This book has helped grow our marriage tremendously. In a marriage I thought was the next closest thing to perfect, i wanted to see how we can become better partners for each other. Stan talks about secure-functioning and how to bring yourselves closer together. I promise you, there will be at least one section that will help your relationship grow.

All of Stan Tatkin's books are good. As couples counselors, we've recommended "Wired for Love" to our clients for many years, always to great effect. This new book is like the capstone on a pyramid. He brings it all together - all that knowledge and wisdom about people and their relationships - into a readable and instructive manual for making your relationship work better - or work in the first place. Highly recommended. It's our new "Go-To" book for our clients.

In general I find Tatkin’s work a very helpful way to work with couples. My disappointment with this particular book is that he doesn’t address a common problem for older women. While he does briefly address erectile dysfunction as men age, I can’t find a discussion of what menopause means for women and their partners. This is major turn in many many women’s lives and involves a lot more than reduced libido. So many anxieties, worries and for many women a big loss in terms of their experience when they orgasm. Tatkin’s broadened definition of sex is helpful though. Perhaps I ask too much for the book to address this segment of the population.

The couple bubble gives my wife and I a higher ground that we can retreat to when things get tough. We have each chosen and agreed on the principles that make up our couple bubble; structured in a way that is both meaningful and sacred to us both. Works much better (for us) than past techniques. It's a new, innovative way to look at relationships that we have both been desiring for quite some time. Very refreshing....

Traz uma nova visão para os relacionamentos, o que construimos juntos e o significado dessa união para cada um de nós. Aborda muito bem a questão dos vínculos trazidos da infância.

Read it with my partner, we both found it useful

An excellent general introduction to relationships, such as attachment theory, the troublesome triad (memory, perception and communication – unreliable and subjective, therefore leading to misunderstandings), effective communication, building a ‘couple bubble’... all scientifically sound, evidence-based. Because science can help you in your romantic life ;-)

Very insightful and innovative approach. Tatkin's recommendations were a game changer for us. We now consider the couple as a "3rd person" that must be at the forefront in our lives.