This Lovely Life Paperback – Special Edition, July 23, 2009

I am an avid reader, but this is one of the few books that was so overwhelming that I had to stop reading it and then come back to it. While of course I can never understand fully what the author went through, at times I was overwhelmed by all she was dealing with, and I was also very angry on her behalf (at the way she was treated numerous times by various medical professionals).I feel this author is very honest in the book, even describing things she said, thought and did that are not 'sweet' or 'motherly'. I think that other books may sound better because the horror of what the kids (and their families) go through becomes 'worth it' -- and therefore fades a bit -- when their child eventually becomes able to walk, talk, and do the other things they expect their child to be able to do. But when those things do not happen, the idea that your child went through all sorts of painful/uncomfortable procedures without any success makes you even angrier, and to my mind, rightly so. While sometimes she comes across negatively, I was impressed with her energy and her devotion to her very sick kids.I agree that medical professionals should read this book: it shows what being on the patient's/parent's end of this situation is like, and how even minor changes in how medical professionals treat people in this situation could help so much. Reading this book, I often wondered how the author would have been treated if she or her husband were doctors.The author did encounter very helpful professionals, and she also learned to cut bait on the professionals who weren't helpful.One thing that struck me was that the staff of the NICU 'forgot' to take a photo of her son when he was discharged to display on the wall, as they did with other NICU babies who left. It was as if, because he didn't have the rosy outcome they predicted he might have, they were trying to pretend he didn't exist. (His mom was much more forgiving of this than I am, characterizing it as an oversight due to how busy they were!)To me, the most horrible part of this book, and the most frightening for anyone about to go to the hospital to have a baby, is that her rights and requests as a mother were blatantly disregarded. She requested that her very premature and very sick babies not be resuscitated when they were born, and the doctors overrode her. Whether you believe what she wanted was right or wrong, the fact that she had no say is very disturbing to me. If I were going to have a baby today, I would seriously consider having it at home to avoid what happened to her, and her family, because of the doctors' playing God.

Wow. This is a memoir that really stays with you. The only reason I'm not giving it 5 stars is that the writing - while being, overall, exceptional - felt rushed at the book's end. But the story of this mother and her journey with her micro-preemie twins Ellie (who passed away after 4 days after her birth) and Evan (whose life is the book's focus) is intense, real, and relatable. I don't honestly know if this book drew me in so quickly because I am a twin mother - I don't think so, but I'm just mentioning in case my opinion is unintentionally biased. I think, though, that I basically got drawn in because of the honesty and rawness of the writing, as well as the connection I could feel toward a mother who just tried her hardest to do whatever the right thing was by her fragile child. Perhaps not everyone will enjoy the book - it does not spare details about Evan's many struggles, operations, experimental therapies, and the overarching effect on the rest of the author's family - but provided you are ready for a real, "no Hollywood ending" story, it is amazing. Again, the only reason I didn't give it a full 5 stars is that I felt a mild disappointment at the very end of the book, because it seemed that the very last chapter or two of the book wasn't as intimate and fleshed out as the remainder. But that's a small quibble. Beautiful book; really stays with me.

While working with some very talented and caring medical professionals through her son's unbelievably difficult first years, Vicki and her husband were also forced to endure confusing, frustrating, and sometimes heartless encounters with people who were charged with the responsibility not only to preserve life (a difficult subject that resonates throughout the pages of This Lovely Life) but to HELP those in need. Vicki was desperately in need of much support and guidance not only due to her son's multiple disabilities but because she had just lost her newborn daughter. Somehow she overcame obstacle after obstacle--many presented by the very people who were supposed to be there to help her--to become a determined advocate for her son's life--and her own dignity. And thankfully--unlike in many states--at-home services for her child were provided as they were deemed necessary. But the trauma of losing one child, learning to care for a severely disabled child, and coping with immense levels of guilt and fear and depression seemed barely acknowledged; certainly it was never mentioned in any treatment plan proposed to her. A shocking testimony that nonetheless finds a way toward acceptance and hope, This Lovely Life ought to become a standard text in every medical or health-related training program as well as a required read for those already in a medical or health-related field.

Before I decided to have children I remember speaking to many parents and asking them if parenthood was an endeavor that was worth taking on. They all said something like "oh, you have to do it, it's the best. . . " never alluding to the parts that weren't always the best. Of course, I went ahead and had kids and found out that it was the best. It was the greatest thing I've ever done. It was also the most difficult, the darkest, the most aggravating, the worst.Reading Vicki Forman's book, you are reminded that you don't really know what voyage you are about the embark on when you start a family. Maybe that is part of the allure? Vicki Forman's book illuminates for the reader a part of the parenting experience that not many people see. The honest, pull no punches way she writes about certain experiences somehow come across as poetic in their brutal reality. Her fervent love for her children is weaved through every page. The raw pain and her families attempt to make sense of it all is palpable. It is an honest, beautiful book.

Vicki Forman nous pose ici, au travers de son livre, un dilemme difficile : doit-on à tout prix maintenir en vie un enfant? Enceinte de jumeaux, elle accouche prématurément à 5 mois. Le corps médical lui impose la réanimation de ses nouveaux-nés. Mais le combat des ces grands prématurés va être difficile, semé d'embuches, très long et vraiment pas tout rose. Ce livre parle d'éthique, d'amour maternel, d'acharnement thérapeutique et du combat d'une mère pour continuer à donner à son enfant la plus belle vie qu'il soit, malgré la maladie.Bien écrit, sans jamais tomber dans le pathétique ou le larmoyant, c'est un livre qui parle à toutes les mères.