Optimists Die First Hardcover – February 21, 2017

This is my first read by Susin Nielsen. I won't lie, the title of this one is what sucked me in. I thought it sounded funny and I would give it a try. It didn't have the humor I was expecting. There were some good witty moments here and there but this one wasn't quite as light and fluffy as I expected. Optimists Die First takes us into the mind of people who are struggling with the guilt that sometimes comes with losing someone close to you.Petula struggles with her sister's passing, and blames herself. Because of the way her sister passes, Petula has a hard time coping and struggles with paranoia and anxiety. She has also vowed never to make a craft again, and pushed away her best friend. She has developed all new phobias that cause her to cut herself off from the world.Jacob was in an accident before transferring to the same school as Petula. He lost his arm in the accident and is very secretive about the accident. He still manages to have an easygoing attitude, and tries to help Petula with some of her issues.What I liked:The beginning of the romance between Petula and Jacob was sweet. It started out as a tentative friendship and grew into more.I really enjoyed the different personalities of the people at her art therapy class too. They were all misfits in their own way, but in the end were good for each other.The mom's crazy cat lady tendencies and the silly cat video.What I didn't like:Optimists Die First does have one of the things I hate the most when it comes to a story about a person suffering from anxiety; She meets a boy and she can magically "turn off" her anxieties. I really hate that.The is a pretty big reveal towards the end of the book about Jacob, and Petula is not sympathetic AT ALL. Given the circumstances, I really feel like she should be and could show some compassion but instead writes him off for a while. By the end of the book she is STILL saying she can't even look at him the same way. Really?So, while I didn't hate the book, I still didn't love it as much as I thought I would. You may feel differently about it though, so don't let my review deter you.* I received an ARC of this title via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own. *

Petula De Wilde is terrified of accidents. Anything could happen. Freak accidents occur everyday, so she will minimize her risk as much as possible no matter how much people tease her. Her family is torn apart and unrecognizeable since her little sister died due to a freak accident that she blames herself for. After counselling at school failed disastrously, she has to go to art therapy led by a woman who would rather work with elementary age kids. Then a very tall boy walks in with a prosthetic arm named Jacob and her whole life changes.While I don't like the cliche a boy changes a girl's life thing, Optimists Die First is adept at dealing with grief, anxiety, and making amends. I've heard some criticism about the portrayal of Petula's anxiety, but it is dismissed as trivial by other people. To Petula, it's very real and very serious that she do everything she can to avoid fatal accidents. She has pushed everyone in her life away and opted to wallow in guilt and sorrow while her family reals from the loss and copes in their own ways. Her mother collects needy cats to take care of and her father throws himself into work. No one acknowledges each other's pain, too busy feeling their own. When Jacob walks in, they are forced to work together and both hate it at first. Their romance is sweet and develops organically over time. Birth control is acknowledged and used which is rare. The one mar on it is that Jacob doesn't really share about himself, opting to give fake names and movie plots instead of what really happened to him.The art therapy is my favorite part of the whole book. At first, everyone is miserable and just going through the motions. This Breakfast Club-esque group of misfits all have their own trauma to deal with. Jacob's filmmaking talent gives each of them the tool to communicate something in a way they never thought of before. Koula apologizes for all the thoughtless, mean things she did when she was drunk or high. Alonzo expresses his journey and pain through mime. Ivan gets to hold a funeral for his mother when he was barred from the original one. Petula made a video archiving her family's life and Maxine's life. When Jacob's secret comes out, everyone is hurt. The ending has everyone on the road to rebuilding and reconciling, but it's not perfect. Petula still has some doubts as one would after being lied to. It's the most realistic representation of a teen relationship I've seen. This book has real emotions and shows different ways of coping with grief and trauma. Optimists Die First is a short, heart punch of a read that I enjoyed.