My Dark Vanessa: A Novel Kindle Edition

I actually learned about My Dark Vanessa through the Harvey Weinstein trial. A juror may have read this book, and it was being used to have that juror removed. So, I was intrigued about it.My Dark Vanessa is fiction (though the author, Kate Elizabeth Russell, has since said there are some autobiographical elements in it) about a relationship between 15-year-old Vanessa and her 40 something teacher, Jacob Strane. At first, I was buying into how Vanessa described the relationship, and, that is, consensual. She says that the age limit for consensual sex is arbitrary, and I somewhat agreed with her, because most brains, with some variation, are actually not fully formed until age 25! So, if we are going by brain development, the age of consent should actually be much higher! Added to this, was the fact that in some scenes in the beginning, it is Vanessa who actually PURSUES Strane. And, as Vanessa herself explains later, Strane, in any case, is NOT a pedophile. Pedophiles are attracted to PREPUBESCENT children. Strane is that little-used term for attraction to adolescents: ephebophile.However, when I read the line on Page 104 and title of my Review, "I don't understand why he didn't stop when I started to cry", I had to acknowledge that Vanessa had very little agency with Strane, and that he was a predator. She would go on to tell herself differently. I think that the one thing that a girl-woman may feel is left to her is how much control she has over how destroyed she feels, and Vanessa told herself the narrative that would make her feel the least vulnerable.Strane, as an ephebophile, put himself in a target-rich environment as a teacher of adolescents. "They know how to scan a herd and select the weak" (p. 356). There seems to be a lot of reviews invested in him being a "pedophile", which he was not, but does it matter when he is a manipulative rapist? And, does it matter if Vanessa herself CALLS him a rapist, when her physical and emotional responses are clearly those of a violated girl-woman?As Vanessa herself says, words can feel like they have diminished her experiences...too cookie-cutter, too trite, and I would contend even boring. And, yes, I'm talking about words like "rape", but what is of value here is her bodily integrity, and her never-lying body evidences the responses of a violated female. She says on page 137 "Even when I try to recall it now, I can't quite remember". This is also a typical emotional response to sexual trauma, the not remembering. But the body remembers, and it shows up as physical, automatic responses later.Strane is her first sexual experience, and she is groomed and sexually conditioned by him in a "relationship" that continues for years. She says, on page 140, that the grooming all "happened before I even realized what was really going on". This is one of the keys to sexual predation. Predators often try to rush a sexual situation, and since Vanessa is sexually inexperienced, he has more power in these situations to manipulate her, and manipulate her quickly, into getting what he wants from her.Strane even has sex with her drunken body while Vanessa zones out. And, incidentally, this is after she has turned 18!But, so what...she is now past 18 (legal consenting age) and still being violated by the same man! Strane, the Same Man. Does her legal consent age make the sex less of a violation? During the sex with drunken Vanessa for which he wakes her up to do to her, she thinks on page 252 "I want you to stop" and "I'm thirsty, I'm sick, I'm nothing". Once the undesirable "I'm nothing" feeling enters a woman together with that other undesired entry, the sex is unwanted and rapey, no matter what you call it, no matter what age you are, and even though it can still continue until he "finishes"--hopefully, quickly, which Strane does. Whereupon Vanessa "leans over and vomits onto the floor" (p.252).On p. 271, Vanessa laments that she would have likely been abused by a boy her age had she NOT even met Strane, stating "some boy would've used me, taken me for granted, ripped my heart out". Wow. And I agreed with her! This is very likely to have happened, because of the widespread diminishment of manhood. After all, Strane was once an adolescent himself, and how would have treated THOSE adolescent girls?...As things to use.

Someone told me this was a romance with an age gap… it was NOT a romance.It is a story about a young teenage girl being groomed by her teacher. Being coerced and abused.This story has a nonlinear time going between the past and the present and how the main character of the story deals with this trauma. How this trauma inflicted upon her, prevented her from receiving the proper help she should have gotten. How she struggled with real life and healthy relationships and a healthy relationship with herself due to the abuse.It is not for the faint of heart. It is not a light read. It is insightful. It is heartbreaking. It does tug at your heartstrings. It made me angry at the people who were supposed to be looking out for her, protecting her… it was thought provoking.It is an incredible but sad read. There is no happily ever after… just a hope for a better tomorrow.

Take a look at the cover of “My Dark Vanessa.” (Go on. Look.)Now, look again. Reeaally look. Longer, this time.Is it me? Or does the photo not just say it all? Personally, I find the stark image of the woman’s face to be one of the saddest, most hauntingly beautiful photographs I have ever seen. Her melancholy expression instantly grabs one’s attention; her evident pain draws the observer in. It’s stunning – and it so artfully, wordlessly captures the devastating essence of Kate Elizabeth Russell’s debut novel.The narrative recounts the story of Vanessa, who at age 15, begins an illicit seven-year affair with her 42-year-old Literature teacher, Jacob Strane. Through the utilization of dual timelines, the novel essentially has two starting points. The year 2000, at the inception of Vanessa’s relationship with Strane; and the year 2017, at the height of the #MeToo era when Vanessa is forced to reexamine the affair under a more critical light as multiple allegations of abuse by Strane surface to the forefront. She has no choice but to consider anew the culpability of Strane and the contributions of her own actions.To say that I enjoyed “My Dark Vanessa” is a bit of a misnomer. For how could I possibly enjoy a tale of a pedophile abusing a 15-year-old girl? Because I didn’t. Yet, I did. Horrendous subject matter aside, the novel is a page turner. It is excellently written. It is compelling and powerful.But reading it is also an extremely dark, sexually graphic, heartbreaking, and emotionally grueling experience. It’s intentionally so. Russell aims for readers to feel discomfited. She wants us to feel outraged and unnerved as we behold the abuse of Vanessa on the page. She fearlessly shows us the how and the why of it.And the story rattles us to the core. Because the novel just feels REAL. It reads authentically. I cannot imagine finding a more honest fictional description of an abusive relationship between a teenage girl and an adult man than the one laid before us in “My Dark Vanessa.”We see how Strane chooses Vanessa with purpose and how he grooms her. We view Strane’s manipulation of Vanessa’s feelings, how he expertly reels her in. We observe the formation of a father-daughter bond between them. We bear witness to Strane gaslighting Vanessa and the blame he places on her shoulders, to the point where she can no longer trust her memories and does not know what to believe. We watch Vanessa repeatedly be raped by Strane while he disguises the abuse as love.Make no mistake. None of what happens to Vanessa is her fault. Not one bit. She is a child when it all begins. She is taken advantage of by an extremely sick man. Period. End of discussion.And here is where, as a reader, frustration is felt. Because Vanessa doesn’t recognize the abuse. She is symptomatically blind to it, years later, even at the age of 32. She fully believes she is an active, willing participant. The initiator, even. She determinedly clings to Strand and the relationship, considers him to be her one true love. Every fiber of her being defends him.And no. Strane never rapes her. Not according to Vanessa. She wants it. Needs it. Begs for it.“‘I can’t lose the thing I’ve held on to for so long. You know?’ My face twists up from the pain of pushing it out. ‘I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that.’‘I know,’ she says.‘Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it?’I look to her glassy eyes, her face of wide-open empathy.‘It’s my life,’ I say. ‘This has been my whole life.’”It’s unbelievably sad how the abuse does, in fact, frame Vanessa’s entire life. It affects her family, her adult romantic relationships, her friendships. The psychological and emotional damage Strane inflicts on Vanessa is permanent and unwavering. She is a fractured woman, with sharp, jagged edges.“My Dark Vanessa” is a novel that is difficult to fully, wholeheartedly recommend due to the subject matter and graphic nature of the story. I recognize that not every reader will be able to tolerate it. But I believe it is an important novel and should be read by those who can mentally endure it.Vanessa’s story will widen your eyes and cause your mouth to gape open in horror. It will churn your stomach. You will long to wrap yourself in nothing but warmth, light, and happiness once you finish reading it.But you will likely neither regret, nor ever forget, the time you spent with Vanessa. I don’t. I won’t. Not one single minute of it.I think you will find it to be time well spent, reading a story well told.

I was warned that this book would be intense, but I was still not mentally prepared for the emotional roller coaster this book would take me on. At many moments this book felt uncomfortable to read and often brought me to tears, but its raw brutal honestly is also what made it so powerful. Kate Elizabeth Russell writes a gripping narrative that highlights how trauma, especially childhood trauma, is a complex experience that has the power to alter someone’s life. By switching between past and present, you begin to understand the narrator’s perspective while also hurting for all that she went through and continues to go through. This book left me in tears and with a lot to think about. I can’t say I enjoyed reading this book, as that feels like the wrong word, but it was a captivating and well-written story that I would recommend giving a read.

Tudo, recomendo!

Llegó en excelentes condiciones, nada maltratado y con su plástico. Bastante rápido de igual forma. Me muero por leerlo🤍

Amei

I liked it from the start. It guides you through Vanessa’s terrible experience and her slow and painful recovery. Excellent!

Arrived quickly and was a good read. Twisted ending which surprised me