Unconditionally Guaranteed

If “Unconditionally Guaranteed” and “Moonbeams and Blue Jeans” have found an appreciative audience in the 21st century, I guess that’s good. However, I suggest you first try just about anything else Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band ever recorded (authorized studio releases), the rewards are profound!I first became a Beefheart fan about 1968 or 69 when my older sister brought home a copy of “Strictly Personal” and from that time on I enthusiastically followed his career to the end. In 1974 when I heard a new record was out I rushed down to the store to get a copy. I was a little taken aback in the store when I first saw the cover but, I thought surely it must be some sort of sarcastic, facetious humor. The first time I put “Unconditionally Guaranteed” on the turntable I was absolutely shocked, appalled, and profoundly disappointed with what I heard and I filed it away in my record collection. Once every two or three years I would pull it out and play it again, hoping to find some redeeming qualities or a good song I had missed but I was always disappointed again and again. About 20 years ago I put my turntable away and replaced my vinyl Beefheart collection with CDs but I never bothered to buy this one or “Moonbeams and Blue Jeans” on CD.Recently (2017), and partly from reading reviews here saying that it was not that bad, I decided to give it another chance. It has been 20 or 25 years since I heard this music. I still have to say this is not really great music. However, it is not quite as bad as I once thought it was. At only 31 minutes total playing time, it is a very short CD. Half of the songs are less than three minutes and only one song exceeds four minutes. The arrangements, performances, and production are all fine for what they are, simple little pop songs. The best songs on this CD come close to approaching the quality of the lighter songs on the previous “Clear Spot” album, but still fall a little short of the mark.The worst things about this record are Van Vliet’s lyrics. That is ironic because Van Vliet was an absolutely brilliant lyricist. After 10 years in the music business and producing what is to this day some of the most original, innovative, challenging, and engaging, music in the history of rock (or any genre of popular music for that matter), I can’t entirely blame Van Vliet for wanting wider recognition and some financial success. However, I don’t appreciate why he thought dumbed down near meaningless lyrics would get him there. In a way, the two previous records “The Spotlight Kid” and “Clear Spot” from 1972 were a bit of a sell out by Capitan Beefheart’s standards but, those recording, while offering more accessible music retained artistic merit and integrity.

This is quite an average album. It isn't the captain's vessel and it sounds that way.It's listenable enough, but just doesnt work for me. I don't care if something is commercial or not as long as it is true to itself. To me this sounds like someone that isn't commercial trying hard to be and failing ... im guessing that is why it has the sarcastic cover, which is very beefheart.I would recommend bluejeans and moonbeams for those wanting a better, more accessible beefheart album.

While the musicians accompanying the Captain are a real ‘Magic Band’, the production and singing are perhaps the weakest of any of Don Van Vliet’s albums over the years. It does have several good songs, and I’m glad to have added the CD to my collection (along with all the original vinyl editions) but the reality is that I will not likely play this one very often...compared to (for instance) ‘Bat Chain Puller’!

I know this albums gets a lot of knocks from his loyal fans. Come on, relax, and take it for what it is. As close a melodic Captain Beefheart can be to 4/4 music. It's not my favorite by a long shot, (Trout Mask is), but it's still The Captain and I for one love it! He was, and is, the most overlooked musician that I'm aware of. What a shame. It's great to see that he made a ton of money on his paintings. He's actually deserved it! The best avante garde musician of all time. Better than rock, and better than jazz.

I know, a lot of Beefheart purists aren't so fond this record, and that's understandable, but the thing is, you can't judge it by what it's not supposed to be.For a pop blues rock record, it's damn good. OK, so not everybody wants Beefheart to make such a record, but so he did, and very self-consciously so -- all you have to do is look at the cover and the title.The way I see it, it's like he popped into the pop room for a bit to see what he could do, had some fun, and popped out. It's a shame the radio / chart world didn't catch on, really.I love listening to this record, and that's really all that matters to me. It's like listening to Ramones, they didn't really get why their stuff wasn't on the radio either. Beefheart a la Ramone, all wrapped up in a factory-sealed package for your protection.You look at the cover and you want to say, OK, I get the joke, but here's the thing -- the songs and performances are genuinely good. It's DVV at his most commercial, sure, but if these songs were a side of him, then it's a side I like while riding down the highway.Don't sweat the backstory and just listen to what comes out of the speakers and I think you'll be pleased. I continue to be.

Reviewers say negative.....I loved it

If you were a fan of Captain Beefheart then you would want this badly if you didn't already have it.

I take the long way into work and listen to this lost gem.

The media could not be loaded.  When this first came out in 1974, Beefheart purists and other twerps gave it a big thumbs down (as they did the rather bland follow-up Bluejeans & Moonbeams, with better reason) saying the good Captain had 'sold out' and other inanities of the era. I ignored the critics, bought the LP, and loved or liked every colourful and diverse moment of it.Mind you, Don himself disowned this and B&M, and the band hated it. However, that was then, when you could be a bit of a purist about your own music too.After the first four LPs, Don & his Magic Band began to explore different musical approaches, such as the soulfulness of the magnificent Clear Spot, the bluesy muddy waters of The Spotlight Kid, and this thoroughly entertaining mix of old-style Beefheart bawling and a gentler balladeering vocal style we'd barely suspected the guy had in him (despite the lovely, heartfelt Her Eyes Are a Blue Million Miles, from Clear Spot).There's so much to like here, even for those timid souls who wouldn't normally go for Beefheart.The gruffly insinuating staccato opener Upon the My-O-My could be from almost any of his albums (except perhaps Trout Mask Replica) while Sugar Bowl, New Electric Ride and Full Moon Hot Sun are in a slightly similar mould.The rest of the tracks are what the critics despised. More fool them.The tender Magic Be, the hypnotic I Got Love On My Mind, the beautiful This Is The Day and the sultry Lazy Music are all very un-Beefheartian yet hugely enjoyable for all that.The closer Peaches is a frenetic number that ends this underrated record in fine style.The other track is Happy Love Song, which is just that, but is sung - Don does more actual singing on this than on almost any other album - grainily and with great passion.One or two of the tracks are perhaps rather throwaway, but I've had a soft spot this LP since the day a Beefheart-mad twenty-three year-old bought it all of forty years ago.This is the day that love came to playThe day love came to stayOne minute here, one minute thereLove spent time everywhere...

The Genius of Don Van Vliet. Quite a smooth album for Beefheart. Given the diverse nature of the compositions undertaken by the Magic Band normally, this one lacks a bit by comparison. Still definitely worth having in your collection if only for the track 'Lazy Music'

Not as bad as some people will tell you. Some great songs here even though it's very different from the Captain's more out-there stuff. Still worth listening to.

He hated it. I quite like some of it. But it's a cheesy listen, in the main. Still a must have, though.

There is a couple of good ones… "Full moon hot sun", "Peaches", Upon the my ..etc so Im satisfied with also hes Virgin records as well as the others!