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L**Y
not what I was expecting
This book is not what it proclaimed to be in the synopsis, some of the topics weren't even addressed. It was more of a whine about how men just want to have sex and all women are just dying to be married and of course she blames feminism for this. I think she is projecting her own issues because I could not relate to so much of this. She truly seems to believe that the only reason the marriage rate has gone down is because men can "get the cow for free" . How is it possible that it has not occured to her that not all women are dying to get married and that many are making a conscious decision not to .In her book, she writes as though marriage primarily benefits women but in actuality, men benefit more from marriage. She seems stuck on men giving up monogamy and women clamoring for it and can't even entertain the thought that not all women want monogamy. She wrote that women are pretending that they don't want it when they do. Perhaps some of them are, but many women are not naturally monogamous either. Her comments about how marriage becomes all about the women are ridiculous. I am sure there are some such marriages but men get more out of it than women as far as their professional advancement, health, and life happiness.Ms. Tantaros is ignorant as far as the matters of divorce and alimony and child support and the courts. She wrote about how financially devastating it is to men who have to give up 1/2 their assets and pay their ex-wife forever to sit around and do nothing (paraphrased). I don't know where she gets this nonsense because while I am sure that has happened, typically the mother is far worse off financially than the man. Typically, women either opt out while the child are young or take a less demanding career path because they are essentially working another full time job raising the child, running, the household, and managing the family's lives. This is turn allows the man to fully focus on his career and be available in a way that he wouldn't be if she weren't doing these things. In the case of divorce, he moves on with his higher earning potential and she is at a disadvantage. Lifelong alimony is a rare thing and alimony payments are generally low and short-term . I suspect that those she surrounds herself with are in the top 10% of our society who make $150,000 or more so she isn't in touch with the 'average'.I have no idea what she means about men become feminized because she seems to believe that they are lazy hyper-sexual slobs from what I read . I give men more credit than that.If a woman wants to stay home and be a housewife/stay at home mother, of course she can. However, she must choose her husband wisely. There are still many who do live this way. The point is that many women want more or something different than this, not that they can no longer have this scenario. However, she says not a word about what happens when you lose your economic dependence, what a vulnerable position this puts a woman in, and while it doesn't necessarily mean to not do it, it is something that is important to discuss.I agree that women shouldn't force themselves to be masculine in the workforce, feminine energy has it's own power. However, some of these women are not "forcing" it, some women simply have masculine energy. Be yourself. I also agree that some women are horrible to other women in the workforce, however, her comment about how some of them wanted other women to 'pay their dues'. Of course, why shouldn't they have to pay their dues?I thought it was catty of her to call out Mika Brzinski (sp?). She didn't have to name her.I agree that it's asinine that men are treated as buffoons in sit coms and I don't watch them. I also agree that it is loving to do things for your partner , whether it's make them a sandwich or whatever, and that not every gesture of kindness is political.Her comments about monogamy (once again she's a bit obsessed) and repeatedly asking why people marry if they aren't going to remain 'faithful' shows her ignorance. Of course when people marry, they too believe they will have lifelong bliss and never screw up. That is not the reality for many however. But people generally don't go into a marriage expecting trouble ahead as they tend to marry when they are in that hormonal state of 'in love'.I agree with her that expecting men to watch chickflicks when we won't watch sports is a double standard. I have never demanded a man watch anything with me. I also agree that not saying why you are upset and pretending not to be upset when you are is very immature, destructive, and actually quite selfish. I've never understood why anyone would do that.I completely disagree with her that EVERY girl grows up dreaming of being married and her going on about how her hairdresser is the envy of all women for being married to her high school sweetheart is once again her own projection, marrying that young sounds horrifying to me. (but each to their own, some are happy that way)To say things like feminist goals are to make men's lives miserable and to make men feel useless are simply immature and childish. While certainly there are some men hating feminists, this is not the average feminist. Does she not realize that she wouldn't have her amazing career if not for feminism?It is hard to take someone seriously who references the Kardashians so much.Is this line some kind of ironic joke. "I was terrified at math and science and real very good (sic) at English and writing."I agree that people should be more authentic, share their feelings, and be who they are. I agree that intimacy is a vital part of our lives, or should be.People on the left make the argument personal? People on the right are just as guilty, I also have people who feel it's not enough that I'm wrong but I must actually be a horrible person to boot.That person was right when they said that birth control was responsible for her being where she is today. She may have busted her butt but she would not have been in a position to do so if she had no control over her reproductive life.I do agree that women loving how they look is empowering and shouldn't be seen as vain. I completely disagree that women hate other women who are prettier than they are, once again, perhaps her projection of what she does. She is also wrong to say that there aren't women are there who will sincerely build you up when it comes to your appearance. O yes, there are.Most women are not struggling with making decisions about plastic surgery, most can not afford it.The Fit Mom was criticized because her "what's your excuse" was saying to women that they had better damn well look like her and if they don't, they need to justify it. No, just no.Arguing that something is crossing the line because it embarrasses the kids means that parents can do absolutely nothing once their child hits about middle school.I completely agree that people must be very vigilant about what appears on their social media or on-line about them and that it can have life long consequences.There are many women who are in loving tribes of women who support and care about each other and if she can't find any women that way, perhaps she should look at the common denominator.Why is Angelina the evil one who broke up the marriage? Is Brad not the one who actually took the vows? Isn't he the evil one if one must be evil?I am friends with many of my exes. It doesn't mean I pretended to not care when I did. And I did go through a grieving period but because we simply were incompatible didn't mean I thought they were bad people."I finally got him, I can settle down is the women's dream and the man's dream of having other women dies?" Seriously? They are both giving up their sexual and romantic freedom, it costs both of them something. (assuming they are agreeing to be monogamous and yes, non monogamy works for many)Overall, while I agreed with some of her points, I thought this would be more about how practical advice and not her whinefest. I'm glad I read it as it was extremely thought provoking and made me consider my opinions of many beliefs.
T**I
come the typical knots that even dumb-minded men like me know about
The most important image from the book is showed on the back cover: that of the author holding up a rope, free of constriction. It takes a journey through the whole book, through a sequence of untying the knots, to get there. At the very end of the text she shows gratitude to the anonymous Warrior for helping her untie the knots.Earlier, on page 229, she concludes that a knot is supposed to hold two things together binding them both with each element's strength. Then she adds that people are binding themselves up instead, getting rope burns and constricted in the process.Before that, there is the strange knot of whether to leave a voicemail (206). Why it is so big is set forth there. Then there was the knot she had tied herself, the one involving being true to herself (180-2). These big ones become untied by methods that are showed and well-written. Then (146) there comes the knot that some women experience, the knot of discomfort in telling another woman to shut up. The author explains why this is so.Then, still going backward, come the typical knots that even dumb-minded men like me know about: Looks. Aroundabout page 129 there is explained the knot about her appearance; there is expounded how knotted women are about the way they look (133). This section is read more by women and less by men, I would assume. We simply must solve this knot some day. But how? If we compliment appearances we reinforce appearances, if we say nothing about appearances, we appear to ignore the woman. Men can't solve it. So how is it done? The answer is given on page 69: The minute we stop comparing ourselves to the woman next to us is the minute we start to untie the knots.One of the biggest knots is that of emotional release, or non-release, handled on page 114. Both sexes share this dilemma, since the public expression of emotion is still discouraged. We just do the release in different ways. On the next page the author reveals the difficulty she had in untangling the anger knot.Next comes the historical knot. "Now that power has shifted and women have adopted the traits of men - the incomes, the careers, the responsibilities - of course women are going to be saddled with the same knots that men had and the knots we've had for centuries by just being women." The author writes this on page 76. Women chose to take upon themselves a double-workload when they assumed wrongly that men would take part of their traditional workload. This didn't happen, of course. We just let them do what they wanted to do. The author does not blame men - she hardly ever blames men - rather, she talks about when women wanting to have it all became women wanting to do it all, about women advocating and men following, and such like.The love knot puts in an appearance on page 57, and while it also shows up in many places throughout the book, even this knot gets untied. On page 49, the first proper knot in the book, that of maintaining femininity while being taken seriously at work, is handled. Finally, we arrive at the front cover with its image of the author in the classic Wonder Woman pose yet tied up in the Lasso of Truth.-If you want to know about the problems bedeviling American women on the dating scene, this book will show you.If you admire a woman from afar but don't actually meet her, read what you may be missing out on.If you are the conserving type, of stout heart, and unafraid to read something unpleasant, read the chapter on Tinder. You won't like the subject but it must be faced squarely.If you seek an acquaintance with some of the harder emotions, read the chapter on brother Daniel. It will lay you down but only for a short time.If you seek to know what lies behind the TV image, you won't get too far (close) with this book, but it is the furthest (closest) you can get at the moment.
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