I Am Ready to Die a Violent Death Paperback – November 15, 2013

This book can't be rated with corny graphic stars! But it can be rated by inverted Nike logos.Amazon - what gives?It can also be rated with one of a kind .gifs in varying resolutions ... snapchat selfies...hashtag hashtag....glitter ... acid sheets ...+++ etc.Reading the book, you really get a sense that Heiko is Fresca, much more than he is Gatorade. Forget the Gatorade, soon it'll be Coke.Heiko, your mental puke is way cute and deep! I wanna watch you spoon feed the noise to a genetically modified tomato.Just please tell me someone is getting paid for the prolific product placements. Save the economy. Heiko DOES IT!Sorry this review is so long ☹Heiko's book reviews are single tweets. 50% of his followers RT :-) It means something different to 90% of those retweeting. Only 11% understand what it means to Heiko, but it means something cool to 100% of those sharing.These are impressive stats.Heiko, a Boy; he has a voice of his own, sweeter than Celine Die On's. Distinctive in its query rhythms + key strokes. He sometimes forgets and leaves the CAPS LOCK on, but it's always at the `right moment.'[commercial break]LOL. Heiko is not a basketball! But he has been a dog and he does hang out with Justin Beiber's mom.Justin Beiber doesn't talk to his mom since she started dating guys his age.Heiko is quickly coopting the word DOPE.Reader- better start saying "dope" more often if you want to keep your rights.Main problem: Title doesn't fit.On the + side: Maybe some suicidal people will pick it up and decide to live a little longer.Heiko- Are you really ready to die a violent death?♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫Here we are now, entertain us♫♫♫♫♫[commercial break]Please don't feed Kurt Cobain's tiger.

I purchased this book several months ago. I have not yet read it, but I included anyway it on my "favorite books" section on my OkCupid profile, and the amount of pussy I have gotten as a result is nothing less than astounding. Before the addition of this book to my shelf, my inbox was empty save for the sound of crickets chirping. Now, I receive hundreds of messages every day from beautiful women around the world sending me full frontal photos of themselves with Heiko's name written on their love parts. I never thought that I, an overweight, thirty-something accountant, would live to see the day that gorgeous women with a passion for alternative literature would want me. Another fantastic side-effect of owning this book is that my penis has actually grown half an inch (I think; my wife disagrees, but even she admits that she's no expert). I would highly recommend the purchase (though not necessarily the reading) of this novel to any friend, coworker, or family member who feels that his or her love life and genital size could be improved upon. This book really turned my life around!

The only book my little brother has ever read cover to cover is Catcher in the Rye. I am giving my little brother this book as a gift for Christmas this year because I know Heiko's work is going to change his life. I am also going to require my literature students who say they hate literature to read this book.Heiko's voice is fresh and reminds us of what we actually need from literature. As readers, we are looking to feel connected to something, we are looking, traditionally, for the poet who can make sense of our collective experience. Heiko's work does that well. If you need an extremely honest best friend who will lift you up and hit you down at the same time with a sense of grace and enlightenment, this book can be that best friend. This book will never lie to you. I think that's more than you can say about most things. Raw, exciting, profound. Read this book and then buy a copy for your little brother, because you aren't gonna want to give your copy away !

Instead of writing a review of this book, I'd much rather go and read it again. I probably will, but I feel I should say something about it. That isn't easy, though. This is not an easily described book, though I really dug it. It seems so non-serious, and maybe sometimes it is. But, you'd be a fool to dismiss it that easily. It's human, intensely intimate, and an animal all it's own. It gives me the same feeling as pondering a koan. I couldn't classify this if I tried, because it's bitter tea that pains me so anyway, but I'd read it again either way.

This is one of those things that makes me want to see what its creator will do next more than it makes me want to enjoy it. That's not to say that I hate I AM READY TO DIE A VIOLENT DEATH, I'm glad I read it, and I'm bound to return to it eventually, but that's about it. Of the many young alt. lit. internet generation writers, Heiko Julien is one with probably the most potential. I hope he keeps writing. It's an enjoyable enough read, and worth it to see the beginnings of a writer who will hopefully grow into a significant player.

new incredible work of whats left of the term genius in the 20 teens.if you dont enjoy this s***, you are symbolically representative of the act of smoking weed-flavored vapejuice, and eschewing genetically pure OG Master Kush in earnest.

This author is much to wild for me. It only assaults the rational mind. My brother with a highly skilled scientific mind was soon to close book at chapter 7 and had no trouble agreeing it is wild.

I read this book in one sitting. I laughed out loud a lot and cried a little. Heiko Julien's prose and poetry is very exciting and original. I would highly recommend this book.

This book was incredible.