Help for Billy: A Beyond Consequences Approach to Helping Challenging Children in the Classroom

Best book I have read to impact my teaching mindset as well as my parenting outlook. Leaves room for hope and answers questions of how to help our children.

by Heather ForbesIf you regularly interact with a child who has problems coping with consequences, and you are at your wit's end trying to "get them to behave" or "just do their homework", this is the book for you.The premise of Beyond Consequences is that there are some children who, for various reasons, do not have the coping mechanisms in place to handle adversity. This might be because of adoption, early trauma, long term illness, autism, or a host of other things.This unfortunately means that when they are presented with a problem, they do not respond to "traditional" methods of "If you don't do this, then x will happen." In fact, traditional methods of consequences and behavioral modification will actually often make the problem worse.Forbes introduces the idea that working with these children on a logical level will not work because they are farther away, in a primitive "fight or flight" mode almost all of the time. Her strategies focus on how to help these children calm down and learn how to feel safe in stressful situations, with a long term goal of them being able to learn the strategies and be more regulated on their own.I picked up this book on a friend's recommendation. She has a child who was constantly in trouble at school and could not handle regular life the way a child her age should be able to. Thankfully my friend found this resource and after 8 months has been able to change her daughter's entire life.This book is highly recommended for:Parents, teachers, or close family friends of children who are not coping well with normal life adversities because of earlier life "traumas". I will be recommending this to anyone and everyone.

This book has plenty of good stuff in it -- many anecdotes and discussion-generating passages to work through how to support students who have been through trauma (hint: it's all of us!). However, there are some places that it leans on some weak science to over-make a point: for example, there's a passage that discusses how stress in utero impacts a baby's brain. Sure, that makes sense, though there aren't any studies really brought up to justify it. But it then uses that to pivot into a little bit of shaming: moms who couldn't protect themselves from all stress and make a perfect environment necessarily bake flaws into their children's brains. That's a lot harder to buy. Still a useful book, but read it with a grain of salt and do not take it personally! Would love a followup with more hard science or higher-quality qualitative data to back up the good arguments it makes.

This book was so eye opening and helpful after 15 years of teaching! Wow. Every educator and parent of difficult kiddos should read this one.

As a tutor in a public elementary school, a majority of the students in my small reading or math groups are trauma-impacted. This book has done an excellent job of helping me understand the effects that trauma has done on their brains, a topic that was formerly a mystery to me. I believe the book will enable me to do a much better job of helping my students achieve their highest potential, no matter what that may look like for them. I highly recommend this book to any educator who has found him/herself frustrated by a Billy in his/her class.

Just ok for our specific situation. While we are able to apply many of the "Beyond Consequences" strategies at home, I struggled to apply the examples and specifics of this book to our children, ages 13 and 14. I felt this book was aimed at much younger children with fairly high behaviors. For our middle school and main streamed children, I felt many of the suggestions weren't realistic/applicable. Mix in the pressures of trying to fit in with your peers in middle school and many or most of the "visible" suggestions (having a student pace in the back of the class) are just not going to be taken seriously by our teens. I was also disappointed that such a small portion of the book focused on the IEP. With the language changes suggested to the IEP (altering the language to place less blame on the child), I felt the suggested language made the IEP more difficult to interpret. I think that is fine if you are writing the IEP with the child's one classroom teacher (like pre or elementary school). For us, our children have 7 instructors,none of whom are present during the writing process. Regardless of the "tone" of the IEP, I want them to quickly understand the behavior, the expected solution, etc. since they most likely aren't going to spend a bunch of time interpreting it.

Suggested read from RAD experts. Spot on for my children. Opened my eyes to things I had never known in 20 years of teaching. Using suggestions and strategies in my classroom is making a difference. Talk it through. Understand how child is feeling and what they are thinking. Only then can I begin to make a difference. As technology changes, so do the circumstances children are subjected to and great advances in understanding are available. It isn't always the cut & dry "it was your choice". This book helps make sense of how, where, when, why some children struggle. Knowledge, understanding, then empathy are key! I have seen the techniques in action and the results were astounding. Gives me some validation that I am doing OK as well. Getting additional copies for those who interact with my child frequently.

Recommended for all who work with & care for children & young people. Heather nails exactly what we all need to understand and do! Brilliant

recommended reading if you work in this field

This book is SO helpful for teachers, parents and therapists working with children like Billy. It is easy to read, clearly explained and laid out.

Useful look at children's behaviour. Made me rethink about some children I know.

As a school administrator, I am constantly spreading love around me for all students. I word, a sentence, or a nonverbal communication can help anyone including staff to feel loved and cared for.My biggest satisfaction is when students take the time to say "good morning" and I can feel I made a difference for them.Thank you for this book!!