Living Two Lives: Married to a Man & In Love with a Woman

*****This is a gentle and honest book for self-inquiry for those women who are married and questioning their sexual identity. It helps you to sort out the myriad of complex feelings that ensue when you are in love with another woman, wish you were in love with another woman, wonder if what's wrong with your marriage is that you really belong with a woman, and more. In this sorting out, the author is kind and non-judgmental of diverse beliefs, and does not have an agenda---feminist or otherwise---in the courses of action that would be best for the reader; instead she helps you to find the answers that are right for you.The book facilitates this self-searching by a terrific format. It is organized into chapters by topic, including: questioning, finding your sexual identity, examining your marriage, husbands' responses, managing the roller coaster, girlfriends, helping your children, and support. The chapters are full of gentle questioning and supportive ways of dealing with what is inevitably a difficult time in a woman's life, no matter what the outcome.Then, at the end of each chapter, there is a section called "What You Can Do Now"---simple actions that you really can do, even if you're uncertain and up-in-the-air about so much else. Each of these action sections is broken up into several parts like:"Remind yourself..." (with good things to remind yourself of---for example, "Self-understanding is not a linear process. I may take one step backward for every two steps forward."),"Ask yourself this question..." (a thought-provoking question related to the chapter topic---for example, "What messages about sexuality, direct or covert, did I get from my parents, teachers, clergy, friends? And which do I continue to hold inside me?"),"Practice this technique for handling your feelings..." (a do-able and helpful coping technique---for example, keeping your focus on staying in the present), and"Take one step..." (a concrete action step that you can take, as opposed to one that you are unsure about---for example, making a timeline of the key sexual events in your life and how they shaped your thoughts about your sexuality).These action sections help you on what is a lengthy and patient journey.The book helps you to realize that you are not alone, that other women have been where you are. It does not sugar-coat the process of exploring your sexual identity, however. It is realistic and presents the difficulties and potential costs as well as the benefits of such a journey. The biggest gift this book gave me is that it helped me to not feel so scared---as do most women when thinking about huge life changes. It helped me to see that I would be okay no matter what choices my future held.It is also an excellent book to be read not only by the woman who is questioning her sexuality, but by the woman's husband, girlfriend, adult children, or those who simply wish to understand this difficult process that is so seldom written about in such a sensitive way. Highly recommended.*****

Some women may be questioning their sexuality looking to this book for guidance. I think it's in their interest to give the facts and view points objectively. With all the acceptance of the gay lifestyle like Disney World Gay Days, elementry school students being taught about gay lifestyles...just Google it if you don't believe and many prime time tv shows having gay couples...I think the days of gay acceptance has been here a while. What I don't like about this book is that it's very slanted in telling confused women to go ahead and make the jump into the gay lifestyle. For example..bottom of pg 95 It often is a woman's first, perhaps only, experience of intimate love and of fulfilling sexual involvement"....or pg 96 bottom "..the excitement and novelty of an affair can't compare to the mundane routines and responsibilities of marriage." When I see couples in real life...I often see the two gay guys the happiest because they get oodles of sex without the emotional drama...then I see a married husband and wife smiling on some days and some days not because one person in the couple is having emotional drama....then I see lesbian couples and there is the butch mean angry looking woman dealing with her own emotions and that of her partners. On page 97 Dina who just divorced a year earlier speaks of this "I have lived with my girlfriend for the past year, and our relationship has been very intense emotionally with lots of highs and EVEN MORE LOWS something that I did not experience with my husband." Husband's know that it's all about the wife and making her happy. So how is another woman who's thinking it's all about her be willing to make her partner happy and for how long...till she breaks up the marriage?

I’m so grateful for the author and individuals who shared their experience in this book. It’s been empowering and a relief to read that I am not alone in this struggle and that ultimately, I do have a choice. Although the indecision to stay in my marriage or to be honest, separate and live my truth is what is causing so much of my pain, I am grateful to be reminded that I do have the power of choice. Relating to others has been vital in my healing process with other struggles in my life and I am so blessed to have come across such honesty and openness. Thank you.

After wading through a few books on Amazon on the subject, I settled on this one because it was the only one I found to be helpful for my situation. Boy was it! I recently came out to my husband of 8 years and this book really helped to validate so many of my feelings. The women's narratives helped me to realize that I wasn't alone and that everything I've been feeling is common to my situation. The author doesn't advocate any particular approach, but rather helps you to explore the avenues and decisions YOU want to pursue and does it WITHOUT JUDGMENT.If you are thinking of coming out to your husband (or recently have, like myself), this book is HIGHLY recommended.

This book has made my life changing journey really come to life for me. I was in a fog feeling like I didn't know which way to turn and just reading this book made me slow down and really listen to what I needed and not what everyone else wanted me to do. At the beautiful vibrant age of 52 my life has changed and I'm so very excited about my new journey, but more importantly I'm so proud of me. Taking charge of my life and living it to it's fullest....

This book was somewhat of a help during a time in my life where I was very confused of what was happening with me. While there is some decent advice within, the overall tone of the book threw me off. While I am all about looking at things realistically, some uplifting stories would have been nice. I recommend " Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women ", I found it to be more of a help for me and my situation.

Highly recommended for anyone who is or knows someone who is going through a transition from being with a man to wanting or actually being with a women.

Informative and easy to read. J Fleisher is a fantastic writer.

I enjoyed reading this book, and it has helped me a lot. I would highly recommend this to women going through questioning their marriage, their needs and sexuality identities. And, also I shared this with my husband - it proved to be useful and drew us closer.

Leider nur in englischer Sprache, aber das tut dem Inhalt natürlich keinen Abbruch. Es sind tolle Erfahrungen mit einem angenehmen Schreibstil