Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship Audio CD – MP3 Audio, December 27, 2016

I have to laugh when I survey some of the critical reviews below, which claim this book is "imaginative literature" or is unhelpful because it has a "negative view" of borderline mothers. I can only conclude that anyone who finds this book overly imaginative or negative did not have the pleasure of growing up under the reign of terror inflicted by a mother with a rip-roaring personality disorder.I don't to this day know if my mother was a pathological narcissist or a high-functioning borderline of the type Lawson describes as "Queen" and "Witch" (despite the detractors, she is very careful to say that these terms describe symptom clusters, not individuals, and that any borderline can veer between all four of her loosely labeled types). It does not matter, as in practice there is almost nothing to choose between the two disorders and (psychiatry being an inexact science) we may learn there is no hard distinction. Like narcissists, the less self-blaming types of borderline - as Lawson points out - are in denial about the notion that they might have a serious defect. They are not going to assume responsibility, or seek treatment unless it is a way to get attention and reinforce victim status without coming to grips with their own conduct.I spent - wasted - twenty years of my adult life believing that the mother who had made me miserable for the previous twenty could somehow be communicated with, humanized, and redeemed. Why she made her husband and child so miserable - and why no amount of accommodation on the part of either had any helpful effect - remained a mystery until I first read about malignant narcissism and borderline disorder. Complete validation of what we went through had to wait until I read this book. Far from simply seeming insightful because it "reminds us of people we know," as one carping reviewer says below, this book made sense of my life. As for the complaint that the book villainizes mothers, I find that connecting the dots, which no other book has done for me so far - even those billed as self-help - actually makes it possible for me to feel some compassion for my mother, who behaved in ways that make compassion virtually impossible.Children of mothers with a severe personality disorder are, as Lawson says, nearly as helpless as prisoners in concentration camps. Their emotional Hell is concealed from a world that sees only the facade and wonders what is wrong with the child; no one grasps the uncertainty, chronic negation and lack of support they endure - because their mothers are incapable of giving what they do not have. Lawson's accounts, drawn from the literature and her clinical experience, not only echo but explain what I have witnessed. They also explain why I escaped without becoming totally dysfunctional - because there were a few sane adults who made connections with me. The moral obligation of witnesses to protect and help children of these mothers is the most urgent message of this book; it is the only text I have encountered that describes the desperation of their - our - predicament.Sufferers from severe BPD are just that, and I am as sorry for their unhappiness as I am for any misfortune, but what happens to their children is the equivalent of a natural disaster, and a preventable one. This book is invaluable both to people involved in the moment with a borderline mother who has custody of minor children, and to the grown children of such women. In a society that still mystifies motherhood and in which children are increasingly isolated with their mothers, it ought to be required reading for anyone who gives a damn about their fellow man.

It took me almost 40 years to finally understand what was wrong with my mother. I truly felt no one, including my therapists, could relate or understand what I had been through. This book is a must read for anyone that has a parent with BPD. I'm not alone! I always felt that I was and it made me question my own sanity. This book helped me make sense of my mother and what was wrong with her. Most people with BPD will never seek help so they go undiagnosed. My mother has all the symptoms so there is really no doubt whatsoever that she is a BPD. She put me through hell as a child and continues to still and I am now 42. And to make matters worse my father was a sociopath. Both parents were crazy....cruel, violent, and totally unpredictable. Abusive on every level. Master manipulators and liers. They were the enemy. They didn't care about me and actually wanted to destroy me, destroy my soul. My happiness and success in life made them miserable and jealous. They had projected all their hatred onto me with expectations that I would be a total failure. However, I am strong, resilient and a survivor. I live a normal life, finishing my masters in education, own my home and farm, have lots of friends with a strong love for children, animals, art, adventure and nature. I have many passions, especially with horses. They are extremely healing and therapeutic. I left home at 14 and have kept my distance living in another state. I keep in touch with my mom but even phone calls are a challenge with her. This book has helped me make sense of her craziness and ensure me that it's not me, it really is her. Knowledge is power and I feel the more I can learn and understand this disorder, the more I can protect myself and my family. I live a very guarded life with good reason. No will understand except those that also have a BPD mother. I struggle to lead a normal, healthy life and to be able to provide that for my daughter. Luckily I did not end up with the same disorder but I do struggle with post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety disorder. I grew up in a crazy family and made it out alive and sane. If I only had this book to read 25 years ago it may have spared me the lifelong struggle that I went through alone. Very alone. No one knows my struggles and what I was facing. No one but those of you who are living the same struggle.

No other way to put it, just simply, wow.Only 50 pages in, and the book has basically listed and explained all the confusing psychological states, emotions and situations I’ve been through as a child, most of which I never could put to words, even after 4 years of therapy. I’m a male son of a BPD mother, and even though the book mentions that it’s mostly about the relationship of the mother and daughter, in my case it’s just as revelant to me.Might be the most important book I’ve owned, to date.In a more technical note: also extremely well and comprehensibly written. Basically no previous psychological knowledge is needed.

I've read many books on Borderline Personality Disorder. This one outstrips them all. It provides a wealth of detail and felt extremely well informed. It really explained to me my experience of life with my mother, but also provided a real insight into how this has affected my character and behaviour since. There have been many aspects to my adult life that I've found troubling and have related to disatisfactions with my partner and relationship, only to discover they're typical remnants of an upbringing with someone with BPD. This has helped me significantly gain objectivity in my relationships and find a peace with myself.The book is about "understanding" the BPD mother, it is not a recipe book of do this, don't do that to survive. But I found understanding the dynamics the most useful thing available. This book has so helped me make sense of my life. It's well written, though can be a painful read and because of this a difficult read, but several chapters in and I was absolutely hooked and simply devoured it.

This book just sums it all up! I feel validated and understood, having seen the effect of BPD weave its way down through three generations. I never learnt about any of this, doing a psychology degree mid 80's. This book makes sense of difficult relationships, and is easy to read and comprehend. Expensive, but worth it.

Compré este libro porque tenia excelentes críticas en inglés, y efectivamente, es un libro que describe 4 subtipos de madres borderlines con una profundidad que permite reconocer un patrón en la complejidad que es el trastorno límite de la personalidad. Este libro se centra en validar los sentimientos y pensamientos tan a menudo confusos de las hijas(sirve igualmente para hijos) de madres borderlines, y da un insight en las raíces del problema, esto en sí, ya es muy terapéutico. Lo recomiendo a todos los que han tenido que sufrir un progenitor con este trastorno y a todos los psicólogos clínicos.Tengo que poner un pero, y es que el libro es bastante caro. Al final me decidí con el razonamiento de que prefería comprar uno bueno y caro que dos baratos y malos, no puedo juzgar por los baratos pero por lo menos puedo decir que este es bueno y no me arrepiento del precio que pagué por él.

While there is a lot of info in other books and on the internet, this one decribes the different types of Borderline.Similar to other diseases or inflictions, there may be differences as night and day.Dealing with the Borderline Queen (witch),(narsistic) mother-inlaw, I can see how my wife (the all bad daughter) has also become the Waif.How sad, she is still looking for love and approval from someone who just can not give it.A glimmer of niceness, and then more heartache.I can certainally see the lifetime of abuse, damage and why all the years of councilling.The Borderline's husband is no longer able to fullfill her demands.She is unsatisfied with a fantastic husband (her #6th), that other women only dream of.Total denial by the Borderline, and family not knowing this is NOT normal behavior.The outside world sees a different woman and never sees(or believes) what the family does.After 20 years of tolerating the Queen behavior, she forced me into confronting the behavior problem.I was no longer willing to condone the abuse, for our own dignity.None of her good values were heard, as there seems to be 2 separate people inside.The personality (behavior) change can happen in an instant, snap of the fingers.There really is no reasoning with a Borderline, like talking with a pet or inanamite object.Once out of the bag, "off with my head" and exciled for life, as I no longer serve her.While this book helps me understand her pain, our survival takes priority. How sad that there is so little hope for improvement, that now I feel that she must also be written off as a lost cause. Life goes on, perhaps better for not continuing to take the abuse.Well balanced book, shows understanding and empathy for the Borderline, good examples.You have to know a Borderline to fully feel the book.