The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other: In Search of the Magical Other - Jungian Perspective on Relationship (Studies in Jungian Psychology by Jungian Analysis, 79)

I'm a bookie. I write books, but I also read: thousands of them. I say this to put in context what I'm about to say: I'd put this book into my Top 20. What's more, I bore everyone I have the opportunity to harangue with the fact that this is one of the most important books out there, I believe; and if I had a say in it it would be required reading in all secondary schools everywhere. We might then learn not to burden our Beloved with the utterly impossible task of carrying our soul for us – and making us happy. Then perhaps we might find ourselves free to actually love them. I have read and reread this book so many times (and there are now so many pencilled marks in the margins), that I can quote large chunks by heart - and that's from someone whose memory for word-recall is not good. A particular q that Hollis raises stay with me: 'What am I asking from this other that I should be doing for myself?' (and its corollary: 'What am I doing for this other that s/he should be doing for him/herself?'). Those are apparently simple and direct questions, but the reclaiming of self-responsibility makes a big difference in relationship; in it is a reclaiming too of unfair and unreal expectations and demands, and the resultant blaming and complaints when the other 'fails to make me happy'. I can't praise this book highly enough if you would like to improve your self-knowledge and your intimate relationship/s. Hollis is humane, human, kind, generous and very good at communicating; the snippets of poetry throughout really added to the text, as well.

Good jungian account on this subject

For anyone who wants to improve their relationships, or understand why things may have gone wrong in the past, this book is a must-read. Possibly the most important, useful book I've ever read. (Gulliver's Travels is pretty good too!)

Nobody likes the message in this book. There is no magical other who will come along and save us - despite all the promises of romance and fairy tails. As Hollis admits it's not a pretty picture but it is a whole lot better than getting angry at our beloved for not saving us, getting divorced and expecting the next partner to do his or her magic. More importantly, once we face the truth, we can ask ourselves a series of interesting questions like: what am I asking my partner to do for me that I should be doing for myself? Hollis expands his argument and explains how we have to be responsible for our own spirituality too - rather than just taking an off the shelf answer from priests and organised religions. Bracing, wise and thought provoking.

Originally read this in 2005.....and again since. Enlightening insight into the subconscious dynamics within a relationship. At one level, it offers valuable glimpses into some of the 'why is this happening', 'why does she do that (or I do that) moments. But the substance of the book I would say is about your own relationship and understanding of your self and how this then relates to another. I have recommended this book more than any other to friends to read. It will make you think about things which are not always apparent and to some extent not palpable yet true. It has the potential to change your understanding on relationships and life....but not overnight. Definitely not a quick fix but a glimpse into a hidden world that exists within all of us. Literally opened the door into another world.

Excellent book on the psychic workings of relationships. Not a self-help tome but an easy to read insight into Jungian thoughts on why and how we form relationships. Should be compulsory reading for all young folk before they dive in the deep end with the "magical other" we all seem to seek.

At last a psychology book that I found accessible and enlightening. It really helped me to understand some of the difficult feelings around love, loss and conditioned thinking that contribute to feelings of isolation. Needs to be read at least twice, there is a lot to think about here.

indepth and wonderful

read this hesitantly after listening to Dr Reedy constantly reference it. I thought it was going to ruin my perspective on marriage and love but it strengthened it with reason. great read

Hollis guides us through the projections we put onto the Other believing it will fulfill us, save us, makes us whole, happy and fill us with meaning. This isn't and shouldn't be the case, we're responsible for our own meaning, and that meaning is to be shared with the Other, not taken from it.

This book made me a devotee of James Hollis. The romantic notions of "soul mates" is put to rest -- but with great insight and compassion. We are born alone and die alone and can hope for some soulful connections in the interim but no one, however beloved, can spare us from walking our own path to individuation. Hollis writes gently but sagely about our attempts to defy this law of nature.

One of the most eye opening books i have read about what it means to find true love and how our projections shape our lives and relationships.

James Hollis is one of the most eloquent and lucid writers of our time in describing what it means to be human. And this book is the best I have ever read on relationships and the search for meaning in communion with the Other. His analysis of what true love means in intimate relationships is profound. But I was also deeply inspired by his discussion of Spirituality and Soul, in which Hollis so elegantly defines what it trully means to be "religious" and in meaningful relationship with the numinous Other. This spoke to me in a way that no dogmatic "religion" could ever hope to do. Amazing read.